It's not that I want to die, it's just that living is so unpleasant. Each day drags on, filled with either things I don't want to do - or filled with nothing at all, hard to know which is worse at times. I need some one who loves me living with me, but I am 49 and still waiting for that to happen. Death would be so much easier - not to be bothered with the problems of living. But I don't have the guts to kill myself so I remain in a torturous life. I've tried praying many many times for god to come and get me while I sleep. To love me enough to take me home. But each time I cried/prayed/begged to be released I woke up the next day to the same life. It's very hard to believe in a loving god who wants me to stay here instead of taking me home where I would be loved and cared for and free of pain. When people die we comfort ourselves by saying "they are in a better place, free of pain now" - so why is it wrong to want that for ourselves?