heretic

Anger, bitterness, resentment, self-loathing, betrayal, hatred, rage. These are the feelings I live with.I wish I had been cruel when I was kind, then I might have deserved what I got.

My thinking is slipping. I wish I could sleep without the nightmares, I wake up feeling disoriented and ugly. My thoughts are mostly angry and painful, I feel constantly tormented by memories. I read...

I am getting worse. I've had suicidal thoughts for weeks, and nightmares every night. I'm scared that one day I will give in and do it. And if I don't then I just keep living in torment.The pdoc...

I wish I could go to sleep and leave this body behind. I wish I didn't have to wake up and find myself in this same life. I know that one day I will be free of it, I just wish it was soon. Continuing...

I'm trying to feel grateful for being alive, but in truth I am just really sad. Everyone agrees that positive thinking is healthy but very few of my memories are positive. I guess I have to try...

I wish I could puke up all the anxiety, guilt, shame and regret I carry inside me. It all stays in a sick lump in my gut I carry around with me every day. No way to get it out, no way to feel clean...

I didn't know what was wrong with me but at a very young age I felt something was broken inside. Now I am diagnosed bipolar and the implications are larger than I could have known. This illness has...

I have f-d up so many situations and hurt so many people along the way. My mind is filled with memories of past events gone wrong. They haunt me waking and sleeping, I dream about the past and wake...

I feel like I don't know how to let people get to know me, even on these boards. I want to, and I try to give supportive responses to posts but I don't know how to reach out for help. Sometimes I...

Some on I trusted kicked me when I was down. I was good to them. They lied to me and lied about me. It's not the first time it's happened, makes me really wonder about my ability to judge who to...

It's hard to ask for help for two reasons. One, I don't know what kind of help I need. Other than getting on the right meds, what kind of concrete help could anyone give me? I like the "support", the...

I so want to feel better. And I do feel better than in times past. I have to remember that. It's when I let my mind wander and dwell on past hurts and mistakes I really get so down. Memories can feel...

I don't like people. That is supposed to be taboo - something that is bad, shameful and should be changed. But I don't see it that way. Why is liking people a requirement of some sort? I find...

Sex and intimacy are two different things. One does not equal the other. Intimacy is becoming familiar with the other person on the inside - not becoming familiar with their body. Sex is becoming...

People point out to me the advantages of living alone. And they are right, if I had terrible roommates things would be worse. But it isn't roommates that I need, it's someone who loves me, living...