Work
It's hard to work when you're crazy and trying to hide it. I try to keep to myself, I'm known as a good but quiet worker. They all have no idea how deeply disturbed I really am. It's hard work pulling off a smile and a friendly hello. If I could afford it I'd have myself hospitalized for a long time.
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A long, long time ago, I took an undergrad psychology class, many undergrad psychology classes in fact. The professor let us in on a secret. We all have dark and disturbing thoughts that we hide from others, including \"normal people.\" Many people offer dis-genuine, \"Hellos,\" while masking their thoughts and feelings. I don\'t know how many times I pulled it together to be smiley, pleasant, and personable in the midst of having a panic attack. We all wear facades, everyone including supposedly \"normal\" people. Sometimes those facades are genuine and sometimes they are false.
You should be proud of yourself for being able to operate at work in spite of your troubles. It is a testament to your strength and who you are.
Tis very very hard to keep the energy flowing to suppress our feelings and maintain the mask. You deserve a medal for acting. Hospitals do jack squat apart from giving you time out.
Sending you strength.
I hear you loud and clear! I am in the same boat. It\'s really tough getting through the days at work. It\'s pretty damn hard putting on a brave face day after day. If I could afford it, I would be in a hospital too. I hope things get better for you! (((Hugs)))