Try to feel grateful

I'm trying to feel grateful for being alive, but in truth I am just really sad. Everyone agrees that positive thinking is healthy but very few of my memories are positive. I guess I have to try harder to have better mind control. It's tiring. I feel like I am just waiting for my life to end. I guess positive thinking is just one way to try to ease some of the pain until I can leave this life and go on to a better one. I hope I won't have to spend too many more years in this life - it hasn't been fun at all.