nightfire
Status: i feel like garbage 95% of the day
Mood:
Horrible
Offline
- so today is technocally my off day, like past sundays this one has me doing nothing, not that i can being i dont have money or a car, the most ive done is made a playlist of my three favorite songs, korns alone i break, johnny cash hurt and...
- so, recently i checked in to see if i could be able to be paid for taking care of my dad since i do around 70 hours a week, he would need to qualify for medicaid so a company could higher me as his caretaker, well he doesnt qualify because my mother...
- so some know i battle with bipolar and am very depressive, coupled with my separation that im 5 months in.... its been a nightmare, ive tried killing my self 5 times in the past so me thinking it is nothing new. slowly ive come to realize that...
- i just got through texting my wife a bit and one thing i said was that i miss going out to the movies with her, because she mentioned going to see a movie and she said you never liked those movies, and i told her neither did you and then she said...
- so about a hour ago my wife actually gives me a call on the phone and im amazed, its been almost 5 months since our separation and shes never talked to me, so when i hear her ring tone go off, which happens to be our song, i get nervious, my heart...
- so i have no life, no phsycal friends, just on the computer and such, no one gets me unless they have similar problems, im sure i dont have to tell you how annoying "normal" people can get with their advice and crap, so i started to wonder if there...
- so im 41, which doesnt bother me, but because of my situation with my wife i have no car, i have no income and because i take care of my father 12 or so hours a day 6 days a week, things are so depressing, i have no physical friends, anyone i know...
- so today was my first day at 1 on 1 therapy and it went ok i guess, though im wondering if i should tell her about something i omitted or not, see she asked me what made me pick her as a therapist, i told her i went by my insurance, then picked...
- so im four months into my separation and my bipolar has been killing me. ive found out that my medicaid will pay for any healthcare related transports and ive found a therapist it covers, not having a car was worring me very much(we used my wifes)...
- well with all my problems including my separation thats absolutely killing me and in 4 months of it i have thought of killing my self many times, no income and no car, i found out that my medicaid will take care of any healthcare transport i need...
- since we separated a lil over 3 months now, i have no urge to do anything much at all, i just do what i have to, to take care of my dad, i have no urge to watch things we used to watch on tv, no urge to go out side (havent left the house since...
- so i had no clue this was part of the site till just now.since 2012 i believe it was i have been helping my mother take care of my dad who had a stroke and cant really move is left side, his face and speach are fine.before this my wife and i lived...
- so my wife(separated) and i texted just recently and long story short i told her i found out why for years id have inappropiate chats with women online and pictures and such, shed always ask me why did i do it, and id answer i dont know, the problem...
- because of the crappy things ive done to my wife we are separated, its been 3 months, but because of those crappy things i have so much self hate, it really doesnt help my bad depression that ive had since i was 12, i feel like a monster for putting...
- 3 months in our separation and im doing my best to give my wife space, im human and not perfect and sometimes i end up pushing even though im not meaning to. in all this i deeply want her forgiveness and a true last opportunity with her, im reading...