I agree that in todays society we all base things on looks and that is horrible. If i was you i would not tell her that you find her attractive. I feel that it would ruin what good you have going by and talking about your issues. You dont want to risk anything. Somethings are better left unsaid. Just my thoughts.

Yes the things better left unsaid is a factor in today’s world but I’m sure it’s an internal programming idea that effecting a change of therapist wouldn’t help you ultimately. So that being said make the therapy work for you is the best of all plans. Who knows maybe she feels an attraction as well but professional ethics frown on mixing business and pleasure.

i didnt sign up with her to date her lol, just an appealing factor is all, i dont know exactly why i ended up doing it that way, maybe i just like an attractive woman to look at, beats looking at a 50 year old guy that looks like the gordens fisherman guy

nightfire, sometimes I'm at a loss as to how to respond to you. Let me mirror back your situation to you so you can understand why you did that.

You are married to a really nice lady and took advantage of her in just about every way a man can, right down to ruining her financially, being controlling, and repeatedly engaging in emotional cheating even though she asked you to to stop. You stated you didn't stop, simply because you never thought she'd leave you. Since she left you have been freaking out, trying to get her to come back.

Now you report that you have selected your therapist based on her being personally attractive to you. This is clearly an extension of the ongoing problem you have interacting appropriately with women. I believe a few more visits in and you are going to be transferring this obsession with your wife onto this new new therapist that you chose based on her looks.

The bottom line is, you don't respect women and seem to view them as objects. They all seem interchangeable in your mind. It is highly inappropriate for you to begin a therapeutic relationship by lying to the therapist. She's not going to be shocked that you thought she was pretty and that factored into your decision to chose her as your therapist. She'll just be in a better position to understand the nature of your problems if you are honest.

Remember that your therapist is a human being as well as a mental health professional. She does not deserved to be perved on by lying clients. For once do the right thing and just be honest.

You ask that those who reply refrain from calling you a pig... because you know you are. You are. Based on Gutted recap, it seems that you aren’t even genuine in getting help for yourself. You’re entering this therapist relationship with a secret about why you chose her. It’s problematic because omitting this means you’re lying. You aren’t supposed to pay for therapy to lie to your therapist. It’s also dangerous for you and the therapist if you have a piggish/inappropriate attraction to her because of the professional boundaries that must be set between patient and client. You’re going about this all wrong. Perhaps you should take a step back until you can stop manipulating the women in your life. I know this is supposed to be a supportive space but sometimes the truth isn’t pretty but it sets you free.

You have a problem, you really, really have a problem. You're on this site because you cheated on your wife repeatedly and she left you. You act like you don't understand why she moved to a different State and doesn't want to have anything to do with you.

You say that "we all" make choices based on appearance.....umm no we don't. When I looked for my Therapist I asked my Psychiatrist for list of people he recommended and then I did what I do with ever Dr. I see, I researched them, did background checks on them, found out where they went to Med School, found out if there were any Complaints with the Medical Board, looked at how good they were at what they did for a living, looked at what type of Therapy they practiced....get the picture. I don't give a damn what they look like, I need to know they can help me with what I need help with.

A relationship between Therapist is based on honesty and truth....you have neither.

You have a problem and at some point you need to be honest with yourself and admit it and get help for it. This is not getting help, this is you just finding some other women to ogle at while you daydream about the things you want to do with her.

I think the fact that you're unsure whether or not to tell her insinuates that you're not really committed to getting help. Its a sign of the larger issue at hand. Maybe you don't really want to change or get help. Maybe you just want someone else to fill that void instead of actually working on yourself and your issues. That's just really sad. I hope you can be honest with yourself one day.

Oh my, oh my nightfire you're a hot mess lol! I've been following your posts and everyone has told you in nice terms (and not so nice) that you need to quit pining over your wife and just accept that you burned that bridge with her one too many times, period point blank!

A human being can only take so much before they throw in the towel and she threw it and you need to accept that you caught it. The fat lady has been singing like a canary, yet you tend to tune it out. As one of Judge Judy's infamous sayings, "you need to put on your listening ears!"

As for choosing your therapist because she's attractive...wth?? When I choose my docs it has nothing to do with how they look but how can I learn to cope with the craziness in this thing called my life! Over the years I've had both and couldn't care less what they looked like. So with that being said it seems that you don't even need therapy because #1 you're so far in denial about the status of your marriage and #2 you're just going there to drool for 50 minutes which is wasting everyone's time!

Hopefully one day soon, real soon, the light bulb above your head will come on so that you can finally start moving on with your life, that doesn't include your wife...

when i made this post i knew there would be some replies like this, fist, im not there to drool, do you drool over the the nice looking picture hanging over youre couch in the living room? no you picked it because it liked it out of others in the store. i have accepted what may come with my wife, which this post has nothing to do with. my first session with my therapist was very productive, i asked whether or not i should tell her because im wondering if keeping it to my self would be harmful, but at the same time if i did tell her, would it ruin my opportunity here. some of you are painting a nice black and white picture here and judging at the same time when i have a real dilemma here. i already stated im not there to date her, nor am i 15 years old and drool as you put it, im a grown man that picked a therapist based on qualifications and from the 4 that were left i picked the one i liked.

i just noticed that two replies were blocked cause i have you on ignore, no doubt im sure you had something nasty to say lol, that being said, only one person answered my question, go figure lol thanks sfeldk !

I'm 42 and actually do drool at the picture because it's of my sexy HTB :P There's no age limitations on drooling ;D

"but i left out one thing.... attractiveness.... " Qualifications of a therapist have nothing to do with that...

Godspeed nightfire! Godspeed :D