Yup you can say that on here. I am sorry, night , that it isn't going the way you want it to go. I don't know the situation so I can't tell if she is done or if she just wants you to work for it.
Try to be gentle with yourself right now. Heartache is rough on the soul. triple hugs~

Wow, I feel for you night.

She wasn't rude but I'm sure you were hoping for better.

Either she needs more time/space. Or for her its over.
All you can do is wait and see if there's changes in her.

I know this is all very hard and the loneliness is terrible.
I'm glad you did start up a conversation with her other than just the taxes.

I know you probably feel that many people on DS just pile on you and your situation. I know I have been unnecessarily harsh with you in the past and for that I apologize. The only reason I am responding to this at all is to point out the tendency toward passive-aggressive manipulation.

It seems that you turned a pleasant conversation into a battle of manipulation. Your wife mentions "I went to a movie with Sue." This would have been a great opportunity to engage in civil conversation about the movie, any other movies she had seen, etc. But you turned the conversation to being "all about you". You seem to be hell bent on being contrary and playing the victim. Even when your wife offers some good suggestions (make some friends, get out of the house), you find fault with her suggestions and make excuses why her suggestions can't possibly be beneficial.

Then you pull out the "pièce de résistance" - "You just don't understand me...".

You see, you thought that little jab would have her begging and pleading with you that yes, she understands you, that she loves you, etc. But she saw it for what is was - an attempt to pull on her conscious and manipulate her.

The only was things will get better (with or without your wife) is to recognize this behavior and learn more constructive interpersonal skills.

im at such a loss its not funny, but thank you guys for the support

You may be interested in the DS group BREAKUPS AND DIVORCE. Lots of support there.

Actually, if I remember correctly, he doesn't have a car. He takes care if his father and has little time for himself.

So going out to make friends is very difficult. I have a vehicle and a job. Still as a caretaker for my elderly father. It is not easy. Taking care of kids, is much easier. Your the boss. You can get baby sitters, specially when your young. He makes little to no money and a baby sitter for elderly can be expensive. Elderly still want control over their lives. Can be very demanding and hurtful, like mine is. And like mine, can have anger issues.

I feel your situation there. Its not easy either way.

Wandering he started over there in Breakups and Divorce, I believe he holds the record for longest post, its about 98 messages long last time I looked...he ticked a lot of people off over there. Go take a look.

seamus you are correct, people who dont care for the elderly dont seem to understand and for the person after seamus 2nd post i cant see you, you are ignored, no doubt this post is not supportive in any way as well as your others

So others can truly understand your situation caring for your father, perhaps you could describe a typical day and the care you provide?

So others can truly understand your situation caring for your father, perhaps you could describe a typical day and the care you provide?


Also, if caring for your father is so overwhelming, perhaps you could look into "caregiver respite" services so you would be able to have some personal time on a regular basis.

Www.caregiver.org

i do all you can possibly think of doing for another person, even helping him use the bathroom, yes both....however he is married to my mother, therefor any and all medical anything goes through her, that includes his caregiving, which also if the man doesnt want anyone other then my mother or i to clean his behind then that is that.

a parent is not a child that you do as you will, not to mention they pay all the bills including the roof over my head, perhaps when they get older and my mother cant do as much, i might can start taking things over more, but untill then, im here to do as they need

Wooow just wooow! You come to the site seeking support and from ALL of your posts you're the one in attack mode. People are offering advice/support and even personal stories of how to pick yourself up by your bootstraps but you lunge your cat claws at them, yet want us to give you a box of Kleenex afterwards. Nobody ever said their lives are "pretty little flowers and puppy dogs", however there DOES come a time when you have to get out that whoa is me mentality.

Cora is absolutely right, we get it you take care of your dad and that's very admirable, but there are so many more alternatives of in-home care so you're not his only anchor. My mother had dementia and for the most part my sister cared for her in her home, until my sister needed to live again so she called a hospice nurse; yes mother hated it but her butt had to get used to someone else wiping her butt, etc. until she passed.

We only get one life with no do overs. We're also the only people who can change the direction of where our lives are heading. Maybe you'll do that one day, maybe you'll stay stewing in your misery soup pot...

Go ahead hit the ignore button...

maybe im not speaking english here...... my mother is in charge of anything to do with him and so if she does not want something, then that something does not get done....

i think thats pretty plain to see

I think Cora is very strong in her distaste for anything night fire has said. I put her on ignore myself.

My situation is very similar. My fathers house, and he calls the shots. I have siblings, but they could care less.

I think very often people that take care of their parents do so out of pitty. No matter how bad a parent was or is. We do the best WE can. Helping them to bathe, the toilet, cook, clean etc. Until you actually do it for a parent you care for. You can't understand the hardship. And if there is little income, its hard to find someone to be a caregiver. Maybe in some big cities, not all. And many homes for the elderly are Not very good. I'm lucky I work and have a vehicle. That's my out. My dad would literally tell me to go to hell and leave and never come back if I tried to get a sitter for him. He would expect me to stop working to take care if him if he became worse. And I would and will if it comes to that.

Night fire, I guess you could get someone to watch your parents. Of course getting a job with no car would be very hard. We have no buses here.... Maybe you do. And keeping gas in a car may be a problem.
Just getting started to try these things would be hard and over many weeks to possibly get.

Its easy in the outside to tell people what to do. On the inside.... Its not so easy.

thanks sheamus, you pretty much said all that needs to be said, im sorry i get mad easily at asinine comments when one has no clue, a bus costs money i dont have, im already having to deal with my mother buying my dogs food, i hate having to ask her for food and such for myself so asking for bus fare is probably pushing it, though even if she did, id have to find a job that would allow me to work one day out of the week thats pretty near by, that is pretty impossible