casey37

so here i am. wow. and it is raining again. july 18. wow.don't really know how these people here adjust to this.... so i get home last nite ... and get this "I don't want any house guests...

I don't know whether to make a concerted all out effort to get to CA but it is really tempting. I am going to have to come clean with SH soon and not keep prolonging the lie. It is really affecting...

Am just exhausted today from being up til midnite listening to the fireworks/etc.I hope that the trip next week is a good one and I can treat it as just that, and not get wrapped around the fact that...

well i suppose that my "mood" or something really was commented on on friday night after a short debate about debt with the wife. thought i was just making a point about something but guess that it...

the only thing that really makes me excited is the fact that i could move again. seems hard to believe that i bitched and moaned for a whole year to leave reno and come back here. then a year after...

i don't think that i have had this feeling of being this depressed for a long time. truly sometimes i wish that i/we had just moved last year, but is that just running away from my problem ? i seem...

Seems like i wake up anxious, and then get a little more determined/motivated by the time i get to work.how am i going to get back to CA ? or will I ? or is it just another diversion/fixation to...

i guess i could write about the things over the last year that have driven me to this depressed state, but i think that is really a building pattern that started 5 years ago.i left a good deal in NV...

well it was 1 year ago today that i was filling out all that paperwork /testing stuff to start what I thought was going to be a bright new future in my home state at a former employer with an old...

am feeling incredibly exhausted today since i was up at 3 am stressing out about today and the things that i am working on currently. has been kind of nice not having a certain person around this...

Am I just dropping downward off of the Wellbutrin, or is is just the ongoing struggle ? I just don't know.I continue to beat myself up over the choices that were not made when they should have been...

seems like i just continue to want to hold on to the negativity. where does the will to change/want come from ? how does it change from the general apatheticness of what i seem to feel on a regular...

i just feel like i sit here at my computer and look for things to occupy the time until 5pm. sad. feel so tired and apathetic. sure seems like it takes all the energy that is left to just get thru...

i guess up until now (or at least last fall) i had been able to make the location/changes that i needed AND WANTED to when i needed to within certain time limits/etc.that changed last summer/fall...

i was exhausted last night in a way that i never imagined possible.getting this situation sorted out in my brain is a huge undertaking....or is it ? i am still trying to hold on to the past and what...