well i suppose that my "mood" or something really was commented on on friday night after a short debate about debt with the wife. thought i was just making a point about something but guess that it is coming off sounding like too much of a pessamist. i dont know how that can be said since i am just stating the facts. i relented and thought a little about the "ripple effect" of my mood/depression/etc on the other 3 in the family, and i suppose there is some truth to it. it just drags me down and i seem to want to stay there, and now it is dragging other people down.its no wonder i feel the way i do with all the negativity that is stored in me. is just really tough to be positive... but i choose to make it tough also. this change has to come from within or it will not stick. is truly amazing to think that i really did not have the debilitating effects of depression/anxiety until age 23/entering of the working world, and leaving the state of CA for WA . maybe it was just too much. i don't know but do know that i am trying to rationalize/etc anyway i can and some of it makes sense and some of it doesn't. i truly need to know more how to steer the right course instead of constantly changing the headings/etc, when the course is already underway. sometimes anything other than this looks good. ouch