Seems like i wake up anxious, and then get a little more determined/motivated by the time i get to work.how am i going to get back to CA ? or will I ? or is it just another diversion/fixation to occupy my mind since i am bored beyond belief. what do i think would be different about my life if that whole thing had happened ? would be going over to SC a lot more, and be able to see some friends in s a bit more i guess. why wasn't that enough to get me to agree to flintco/hmh/hearn ? i have never struggled with a choice so much in my life and at the same time been so penalized by it (by myself and others). i need a vacation from myself. ouch that sounds bad doesn't it ?
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should have known there were too many if this then thats withthe mccarthy thing. you were warned
i truly believed that this would be the changing point in my life to get back toward the sun and fun. got way too off track with trying to use 1 thing as the only thing that would be accepted. too closed minded.
can change this by getting on the hmh list