mariahrachelle

It has been a long time, well like a few weeks, since I have been on here. A big part of that is because I don't have an eating disorder, I just use food as a coping mechanism. I don't like coming...

These last couple of days have been really weird. I'm not sure how to describe it. It feels surreal. I don't feel alive. I feel like a ghost. It's weird and difficult to put into words.Today my...

The last couple of days have been hard. I feel really... distant this morning. Distracted. Unfocused.I re-downloaded my food intake app.I weighed myself. I don't own a scale because I don't want to...

Just under two hours and I am okay now. Obviously not magically better, but I am okay. I just spent some time praying and reading and I am comforted by Jesus.I will take care of myself. Even if I...

I'm so sad tonight.I found out that a friend, who I know has battled suicidal thoughts for the last few months, recently had a really bad depressive/suicidal episode earlier this week. They were up...

I am proud of myself.I am proud of myself.I am proud of myself.Despite what I felt like, I ate full and healthy meals today, and I didn't binge or completely hate myself after! I also refrained from...

I am proud of myself.I am proud of myself.I am proud of myself.I actually ate pretty much all three meals today. And I had real food. And I didn't binge or eat only chocolate. In fact I didn't have...

Today is better.Last night I spent some time with myself and resolved that no matter what thoughts may pop in my head, I will try my absolute hardest to fight.This morning I prayed and read and I am...

Ugh.I don't want to eat anymore. I hate that I do this to myself. I don't eat, then when I do, it's chocolate or something high-sugar or high-fat and then I feel like death. It's just a lose lose. I...

It may be hard, but it's much harder living with myself when I am this mean too myself.

I'm so so so tired. The last few days have been a blur. Actually, every day feels a blur. I've felt like every day has been a blur for the last couple of weeks.Anyway, tonight I don't like my body...

As I go to bed, the thoughts creep in."You're becoming fat. You ate WAY too much. Don't eat tomorrow. Or at least just wait to eat until dinner. Come on, just do it tomorrow to compensate for today....

Today I am really scared that I am fat. I am scared that my eating will make me fat which will inturn make me unlovable.The thoughts and temptations to not eat for the rest of the day or tomorrow...

I feel fat, disgusting, and ugly still, but it is okay. It is okay that I feel this because it doesn't automatically mean it's truth. I don't believe what I just said, but I am going to tell myself...