Ugh

Ugh.

I don't want to eat anymore. I hate that I do this to myself. I don't eat, then when I do, it's chocolate or something high-sugar or high-fat and then I feel like death. It's just a lose lose. I feel fat if I eat. I feel guilty and scared of how my body will react if I don't.

I'm so scared of having more panic attacks and my body breaking down, but I hate how I feel when I eat.

It all comes down to control. I want to control something.

I don't want to talk to people because I'm afraid I won't be believed. I'm scared that people will think I'm making it up.

Blah. Tonight just is a crappy night of feelings and thoughts. Maybe tomorrow will be better.