I can and I will

Today is better.

Last night I spent some time with myself and resolved that no matter what thoughts may pop in my head, I will try my absolute hardest to fight.

This morning I prayed and read and I am confident that I need to keep fighting. I will fight. So that means... eating full, actual meals. It means taking care of myself. I know the thoughts will still come, as they already have and I don't think they'll go away for a little bit, if ever, but one thing I'm good at is persevering and that I will do.

I'm going to take one day at a time because it's far too intimidating and daunting to think about trying to eat healthy, full meals every day this week. It's actually quite terrifying and too much for me, so instead I'm just going to focus one day at a time. Today I am going to eat and I will take care of myself. I'm going to work out this morning and then I'll have lunch with my Great Grams, then I'll make sure I have a nutritious dinner. Today I will not binge, as that sends me in that cycle of not eating the next day and whatnot. I will listen to my body. One thing at a time.

It's such a battle with my thoughts and with food, but I want to get better. I want to engage and I'm tired of feeling dead and dissociated constantly. I'm tired of tryin to grasp for control but actually losing any sense of control I have.

Even if I don't believe it, I can do this.