Wow wolfiepa ur comments are always so enlightning and ur advice is something that i am going to start adding slowly to my life. On day 7 today and i am realizing that pleasing myself is more important than pleasing others. I should put myself first. Lastly, one of ur comments stuck with me; if i give into my urges i know i am going to feel bad so why bother? I am compete and whole, i do not need to add any more thar could harm me.

Keep up the good work Kim.

Hello...I am checking in....I felt some grief last night over my mother who passed away a few years ago....I know I have used this sexual addiction to numb feelings for many years....rigorous honesty for me is emotional honesty....however, I need my Higher Power to clear my mind and open my heart to allow its Grace to flow through me and be of service to others...wishing everyone a great day.

Inner,

Your emotional state is quite normal during withdrawal and recovery. Emotions that have been surpressed will show up and claim attention during these times.

It happened to me during my recovery, 5 months into it, my father with whom I had a very checkered relationship died but I could not attend the funeral, so this left me with unresolved issues, my only option was to ramp up my safeguards so that I would not relapse and because I was already practicing self awareness, I was able to address the conflicting emotions as they arose and I felt them as fully as they showed up because I knew that if I supressed them it would just continue the nightmare. In the end, it was the best thing I ever did because it showed my fear of feeling my emotions was unfounded to say the least.

Wolf (5 year sober)

Kim,


Once thing that I learned during recovery, recovery is all I did for two years. Everything I did in my life was to build my subsequent sober life which I am now doing still 5 years later.

At first, it felt strange because after 30 years of compulsive behavior, suddenly taking care of myself and making healthy choices every second of the day seemed daunting but by month 6, I had already gotten used to my daily schedule, my healthy habits became second nature.

I did not see it as me coming first, per se but my recovery came first and everything related to it. Me coming first, pleasing myself, as it were , was the mindset that got me in that addictive fix in the first place.

In other words, by taking the focus off myself and focusing on my recovery and learning healthy habits, I was taking care of myself and yes, by default I came first. I also learned to find pleasure in the simple things.

The irony is that by taking the focus off myself, I was able to assist others, be more efficient at work because my mind no longer drifted nilly willy towards a fix. Not to mention, that it really got quiet in my thought life, free to think complex thoughts such as: Why do crabs walk sideways? And my free time was filled hobbies, learning languages or a skill or simply reading books I never had a change to read but always wanted to.

Wolf (5 years sober)

Checking in.

It's easier to check in on Kim's tread than my own. I feel like I've pushed too many people away to have a thread of my own. I hope you keep checking in Kim, absolute unselfishness leads to God's grace and mercy.

Have a great day.

Hello...I am checking in....being in recovery has allowed me more energy to do other things....has allowed me to have more presence of mind...has given me more focus on achieving personal / professional goals...most importantly, it has given me the ability to build my integrity, a state of being whole and undivided, through the grace of my higher power...wishing everyone a good day.

Checking in.

I don't have anything to say today.

"View obstacles as opportunities to circulate the power of your unbending intent. This means being at peace, detaching yourself from the circumstances, and seeing yourself as the observer rather than the victim"

Wayne W. Dyer

Hello...I'm checking in....I struggled with hypothetical situations last night...my manipulative self wanted to set up something for the weekend...I can feel its addictive power swirl within me...I am glad I was traveling on the road in the rural areas....I realize how much I can get into an erotic haze without anything stimulating around me....I can't underestimate its consuming power and much reach for my higher power...that's my insight last night....wishing everyone a great day.

Hello....I'm checking in...I was preoccupied yesterday...I am praying this morning for me to be in the moment...to be in my heart...to be open enough for the Spirit to work through me....wishing everyone a great day.

Hey so sorry guys i have not checked in the last couple of days because u have been super busy which is good since i did not even rhink about the addiction and it kept me preoccupied. Nevertheless i cobtinued to remember every loving person's kind support on here and how much it motivates me. I am glad to see everyone checking in and hopefully we can support each other to success. Loving life as it teaches me a lesson throughout this journey. Remebering to be positive everyday, avoid my triggers through my detailed plan and keeo my goal and what i want for my future self to be like, in mind. In Day 11, only getting one step closer to freedom.

Checking in.

Kim what is your detailed plan?

You're doing great.

Have a great day.

Hello....I am checking in....I pray today for others who still suffers...I have been given a gift, a gift of freedom that I can't take for granted, which is easy for my selfish part of me to do.....wishing everyone a great day.

Checking in.

I had a fantastic revelation last night whilst doing my recovery work. I saw that it's all about depriving someone I was meant to be with in the future currently when I look at porn and masturbate. I can't deny that I want to give everything to that person, and I might have ruined that with all the porn use, however I still have the ideal of giving it all to that one person, sexually in this case, and that is the ideal I was looking for.

Before I thought I was supposed to stop so I could function more properly, but after examination I find that I function very well and am in the above average category when it comes to effort and energy. I thought it was that I had to raise my bottom line, and that is why I had to quit porn, but now I see that the reason I want to quit is I don't want to prevent any future wife any less of me, and porn will be taking my attention away from giving everything to her, and it is such a relief to understand that is the real reason why I feel guilty and shameful.

I just want being sexual to be all about her, but that is and will be impossible with porn in the picture, and I might have ruined it already with it never being possible, but that's ok, I still want to, and would have not done it if I could have, and plus at least she will have decision making power, so it's a win-win. Even if I lose and am a bachelor for eternity, I still won, because she ends up feeling like she won, and that is all I really want the whole time. I'll probably win though, and I'll probably be the man all women hate because I'm just "that guy" but at least I know, if I were God, I'd let them win.

It's all about them in my book, however I didn't write the real book, but I am just happy to share that I can now see my true thought towards women and where the guilt was coming from, it was that I am not giving my all when I am giving to porn at the same time. The sad news is I probably was born to be a bachelor who just has girlfriends who worship me. Unloyal ho's who I have to persuade to trust me, and can surely expect difficult drama if I trust them, so that means never trusting them, but loving them more.

Ok I've said enough.

Have a great day.