Found a link to this in a reply. Some members are currently asking this question. This was a great post with a ot of information. Some people cannot click on the link because of their computer settings so I am bumping this post up.

Oh my goodness! I actually printed out this whole thread and highlighted everything that fits. This is so sad. I think when I have friends or family that do not quite understand what is going on, or when I second guess whether I am overreacting I am going to refer to it.

When you are made to feel guilty for spending time with family or friends for holidays or otherwise it's time to leave.

When you are told "Do as you're told" it's time to leave

When you are told not to come for Christmas when you have all of the gifts for his family and then you are harassed because you couldn't read his mind that he really wanted you to come and it goes on for months it's time to leave.

When you make all the effort and he makes none it's time to leave

When he comes to town unexpectedly and you are always looking over your shoulder wondering if he will be in town and are terrified of him just showing up to a family celebration dinner it's time to leave.

When he rages out of control screaming it's time to leave.

When he chooses to spend New Years with his friends over you when he is in town from six hours away and you and his friends are 20 minutes apart it's time to leave.

When he can't come to town for weeks and weeks because of pool and dart leagues that he signed up for but yet you drop everything to see him it's time to leave.

When he cringes when you touch him it's time to leave.

When he throws your wedding ring and says it was thrown out the window when he was driving it's time to leave.

When he uses confidences and vulnerabillities against you it's time to leave.

When he takes contact with his kids away from you that you care about it's time to leave.

When you go to see him and he sits in front of the computer for hours when you only have two days together for weeks it's time to leave.

When he refuses to tell you anything about his past or how it has affected him it's time to leave.

When you hear his text alert or ring tone and immediately feel sick and tense up...and it happens a hundred times a day it's time to leave.

When you are told you are a crazy selfish bitch whore and told to fuck off and not to contact him and get atext 20 seconds later..and again..and again..it's time to leave.

When you are told that your relationship with him is bad because of previous experiences in your life and it has nothing to do with YOUR relationship it's time to leave.

Thanks to all.

When you are told "The only opinion you have is the one I give you" it's time to leave.

When you are told that no one else will ever want you or love you, it's time to leave.

When your 4 yr old son begs you "Can we just go somewhere, just me and you Mommy?" It is past time to leave. I've been gone for 5 years and that still hurts my soul.

I was totally that crying, sobbing and begging woman on the floor in the bathroom. I also sobbed myself to sleep in the spare room so many times I can't even remember. Almost throwing up from crying so hard and him not caring one bit. He was the king of stone-walling me, neglecting me and having zero empathy or compassion. I have been gone for almost 5 months and I still beat myself up for being such an idiot and marrying the SOB. I feel ashamed and humiliated in front of my family and at my place of work. But to anyone who has experienced the agony and that horrible "pit" in your stomach...knowing deep down that you are being abused and that your spirit is being stomped on, get out now...as fast as you can. Leave and don't look back. Do it for yourself. Love yourself more than you love him and run as fast as you can. I will never doubt my decision to leave and I hold my head high (even though I'm a divorcee), knowing that I stood up for myself and did the right thing by shutting him out of my life forever.

Some of mine have been repeated before, but I want to type them out anyway:

When you say, "I wish he had hit me", it's time to leave.
When you start to feel yourself changing into HIM, it's time to leave.
When you don't remember the last time you were happy, it's time to leave.
When him telling you to "shut the f*** up" isn't that bad, it's time to leave.
When you have diarrea all day thinking about him coming home from out of town, it's time to leave.
When you say something to him, and he pretends no one has even said anything at all, it's time to leave.
When he works twelve hour days on vacation with you, and resents you for wanting to spend time with him, it's time to leave.
When you feel like a ghost, it's time to leave.
When you realize he doesn't even see you as a person, it's time to leave.
When you pretend to be asleep when he comes home after drinking, scared, hoping he won't want to wake you up, it's time to leave.
When he pins you to the bed with all his weight so you can't breathe, it's time to leave.
When he tells you that his father pressing his crotch onto you "would bother other people less that it bothers you" it's time to leave.
When he tells you, in regards to his father staring at your chest and touching your butt, that "someday you'll be old and ugly so you won't have to worry about it anymore" it's time to leave.
When he can only get it up about a fourth of the time and loses his erection another fourth, it's time to leave.
When you cry during sex, it's time to leave.
When you feel like telling him about your day is "needy" and "overly clingy" it's time to leave.
When you see that he doesn't want to change, it's time to leave.
When you lose all hope, it's time to leave.
When you learn how to hate, it's time to leave.
When you tell him that your Mom has found a spot on her lung, and he gets mad at you and ends up telling you to "shut the f### up you dumb b####" it's time to leave.
When he starts referring to the apartment as HIS, it's time to leave.
When he asks if you set him up to deliberately get him angry, it's time to leave.
When you realize that he doesn't care about the fact that he is hurting you over and over, isn't interested in it at all, it's time to leave.
When he wakes you up from a dead sleep by screaming at you in a drunk blur, it's time to leave.
When he yells at you in a cab all the way home, and asks you if you want him to do anything because you are being abused, it's time to leave.
When the only time you have fun with him is when there are other people around, it's time to leave.
When you tell him your sex number and he says, "Now I know why you didn't want to be called Angel, because you aren't one." it's time to leave.
When he lets his friend make fun of your recently dead brother-in-law while you are crying, and just stands by and doesn't defend you, it's time to leave.

That is a few!!! Feels good to write them all out and remember the bad times... cause I do have to say the bad can fade away!!! I need to keep the bad stuff fresh!

prachelle...this is me...and my children, I tell them all the time, don't do this, make sure you do that...it hurts so much when my daughter looks at me and says, "Mom, why are you with him?"

It's time to leave ...

When all you think about is your relationship.

When you start saying things like 'I just want to be loved.'

When you don't recognize yourself.

When you cry A LOT.

When you appreciate any little crumb.

When you lie to avoid his rage.

When you teach your children "safe" behaviors to avoid his rage.

OMG I can't believe how many are these are true for me. I guess I have know for a while now that I need to leave. But how? What do I do with myself now after 17 years?

When your son whispers to you. I hate daddy.

Yes to all of these....have had many of these myself.

time to leave when you RUN around the house cleaning and perfecting before he get home so there is no screaming.

time to leave when your entire exsistance is to not make him mad.

time to leave when people in public hear him ranting and stare.

time to leave when your child leaves you a hidden note that you don't deserve this.,,,,and she can barely write.

time to leave when wish one of you would just die to get out of it.

not sure if this has been said here yet or not but.....

when he often says he doesn't remember when you confront him with something he did or said that was wrong or hurtful.

When he tells you your doing stuff all the time that actually he is doing, not you. When he describes you exactly like him when you're not at all.

When he's ranting and screaming at the dinner table about something and you can't look into your children's eyes, so you just eat mechanically, acting like nothing is wrong, terrified to look up at your kids.

When you're on the phone with the cable company, and he's screaming at you, telling you what to say, asking you what they're saying, getting mad at what you say, and the woman on the line asks '"Is everything ok over there? Do you need me to call someone?"

And you feel humiliated as you tell her, choking back the tears, "No. It's ok. My husband's just having a bad day."

When you cry in the shower every weekend.

When you are in one room smiling, but as soon as you walk into a room where you are alone, or turn away from everyone (like at the kitchen sink) you burst into tears.

When your husband is late coming home from work and you pray that a cop car will show up at the front door, and they'll tell you that they're sorry, but your husband passed away in an accident.

when sometimes, you stare into a mirror, and look at yourself and ask 'What the fuck are you doing here? How did this happen?"

when your parents try to show up 'for coffee' every weekend, and come in the house with concerned looks on their faces, searching your eyes as they hug you.

omg. I have to go buy a pack of index cards and start writing all this down. There are too many to remember, and sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind, forgetting things that have happened even recently...

When I fell in love my ex, it wasn't him at all, the person he made me believe he was was KIND,CARING,COMPASSIONATE,CONSIDERATE,GIVING,INTELLIGENT SUPPORTIVE, A FAMILY MAN........I could go on and on.

In truth, that wasn't who he was. He couldn't HAVE EVEN BEEN that person,the only thing he ever did honestly, was give me his proper name.

I found myself one day saying, OMG WHO IS THIS MAN? I did NOT sign up for this, I didn't blindly offer my love and support to this person, he stole it from me, robbed me of my right to fall in love with an honest sincere man and most of all HE CONNED ME.....

That was after 5 yrs of marriage and 1 child. The real kicker was -he couldnt stand kids either!

I was a victim until I said NO-NOT ANY MORE.

I will never be lured and trapped again......

he starts complaining in bars to his friends and your family in front of your face
that you never give him blowjobs

and he knows full well you are too shy to give them due to lack of experience

and you therefore feel humiliated

its time to leave

blackdog, look at it this way. If you did - he would use it against you too and accuse you of being TOO experienced. It's a no-win with these jerks.

Love the LIST!! Thanks. I need to memorize it! I think that "to leave" can also be used in the sense that one can DISCOMMUNICATE from the abuser. Example... my mom's husband, (I don't like to use the term "DAD"), was outrageously abusive to me as a child and young adult. Eventhough I LEFT the household permanently, I was still forced to have this jackass in my life thru my mother. He denied all accusations of abuse and my Mom stood by his side. For years I felt like I needed to accept that I will forever have to deal with this jerk charading into my life acting like how much of a good father he was (when he damn near killed me numerous times) until I realized that that was all a crock of bull! I have the right to disengage in any communication with him at anytime!! And since I have totally ignored him and not talked to him anymore, my life has been a great higher percent more peaceful as well as my mind. And Gals?! When we DO LEAVE... please remember WHY it is that we left in the first place! God Bless Y'all!! - Mollie.