Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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When Is it Time to Leave?

MyTrueColors
MyTrueColors
I was reading another post and this question popped into my head. I've already left, but it took me 36 yrs physically and another 4 yrs emotionally to leave. This is based solely on my life experience, but I suspect that at least some of it is fairly universal.


This certainly isn't every reason, so feel free to add to this list.


When is it time to leave? (in no particular order)

When you:

are physically hurt in any way, THE FIRST TIME, includes (but not limited to) hitting, pushing, shoving, slapping, kneeing, kicking, tickling, being pinned to a wall/floor/bed, having things thrown at you, seeing pets or inanimate objects being abused, etc., the first time, its time to leave.

hear a therapist say you're in an abusive relationship and you say "no I'm not...he doesn't hit me or call me names..." it's time to leave.

are always questioning/doubting yourself and your sanity, it's time to leave.

have no idea what it feels like to be happy or content, it's time to leave.

have no sense of physical, emotional &/or spiritual safety or security, it's time to leave.

can't remember the last time you felt calm & peaceful, it's time to leave.

are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, it's time to leave.

are always apologizing, just to keep the peace or shut him up, it's time to leave.

feel like nothing ever gets resolved, it's time to leave.

feel that you HAVE to stay because you can't support yourself (and your kids) &/or that you have no one to help you &/or you can't make it on your own, it's time to leave.

realize that you have few, if any, friends left or if your friends tell you that you are crazy for wanting to leave such a good man (that means you haven't been honest about what goes on behind closed doors), it's time to leave.

are the brunt of his "jokes", it's time to leave.

think about being with him &/or miss him, but as you get close to him &/or home, that feeling disappears, it's time to leave.

people tell you over and over what a perfect marriage you have and how great your spouse/SO is & you nod, smile, say thank you but you feel sick to your stomach &/or you feel like an impostor, it's time to leave.

don't like what you become when you interact with your spouse/SO, it's time to leave.

see that his actions repeatedly don't match his words, it's time to leave.

realize all he does is lie, omit things, &/or make things up, it's time to leave.

trust him more than you trust yourself, it's time to leave.

realize its all about him and never about you except when it's your fault, its time to leave.

*~ *~ *~ * ~* ~*

If we took these one at a time, we could rationalize to ourselves that just one of the things on this list (except for the physical abuse) isn't enough to leave.

But please reconsider. Each one of these things in & of itself is enough to tell us that we deserve better.
SMRK
SMRK
As I was reading this, what I realized is I lived with a psychopath for only 5 years. But in those five years I experienced every single thing you listed as a it's time to leave scenario. But the one thing that really jumped out in my head. Is when I look back at my situation and I look at the red flags that were flying all around me that I was trying not to notice or pay attention to because I so wanted the relationship to work. But had I been aware of the red flags that were occurring when he was Romancing me and gaslighting me. I would have known that it was time for me to leave long before I ever got trapped. So I would like to add to the list to anyone who's questioning whether they should leave or not don't wait until you're in the Trap. If you see or feel or hear any of these things while you're in the mist of oh my God I'm falling in love with this person. That is when you need to leave. Before the Trap becomes secured around you and holds you in place. And I really wish that there should be an educational situation where every young woman and young man on the planet gets a course somewhere around 12 years old saying these are clearly red flags pay attention to them see, them listen to them and then run from them.
KD10
KD10
If he makes sure your isolated. I relocated to another country to marry him and moved into his family neighbourhood. I have none of my own family around and not sure what he has told his family who used to come around but now no one comes or calls the house.
KD10
KD10
What about telling you weeks before your marriage that they grew up with his father who was physically abuse to his mother but didn’t want to ever be like that.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
This is from 2009 but is a great post

I'll give you a link for some crisis resources.... Big hugs.....xo

https://support.dailystrength.org/hc/en-us/articles/207430776-What-if-I-need-emergency-help-
Hound
Hound
I think we need to get the idea out of our heads that "there is good in everyone". There isn't. Some people are simply no damn good.

Emotional and psychological abuse is worse than physical abuse at least for a man. I watch combat sports and I'd much rather get a busted nose than the verbal stuff. Physical wounds heal. The stuff that a narcissist does to a people is much worse than a busted nose. I've had a few busted noses.

This is from a male perspective. I've had women hit me and I laughed it off. Men hitting women is a whole other thing, Women are more likely to hit but men do more damage. It's like what would you rather be bitten by, a little foo foo dog or a pit bull.

I wrote and recorded this song about being with an abuser and getting away. https://soundcloud.com/user-316831637/shield
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