i'm not a psych or even in the psych business 'fc' so can't even begin to hazard a guess as to what is 'normal' and what isn't. we, or i should say I, 'cause i can't speak for anyone else in this group. i, for whatever reason started lying so fr back i don't even remember when, and it just got out of control, little embellishments, to large lies and everything in between...all i can tell you is that, for me...don't answer anything until i have thought about what i'm going to say...even if it takes a little longer (and it will)then say what you want to say...as long as it's the truth. like i said earlier, not easy, not fun (until you get used to it) but it can be done, like anything else and everything else, it all depends on you, how bad do you want to stop lying to those around you and most importantly to yourself. good luck and stay truthful

i've slipped up. i keep lying that im ok. i keep lying to myself. and that's where it always starts. i think my lies stem from a lack of trust, but how do i fix that. how do i trust those that have tossed it aside again and again...? then again who am i to complain about trust, i am a liar, right.
best wishes to all.
i think i'l spend my day crying

MariaJoe, I have been lying for so long now that it has been second nature. I slipped up just a couple of days ago and it frustrates me that I wasn't able to stop it. It takes a long time to change ingrained behavior (at least for me). Be patent with yourself. It won't happen overnight, no matter how much we want it.

This lying stuff is hard to break, particularly when it becomes 2nd nature. People would ask me simple questions like: 'How are ya today?' and my response even before the question was fully asked was 'Great and you?' even if the day had been the worse day of my life. I was into image management, trying to be perfect to everyone; trying to hide my faults and my hurts and not let anyone in.

As asda and medicx have said, it takes time; it takes practice being truthful; it takes being present in the moment and slowing things down; taking a moment to think before responding.

Also I found forgiving myself for my lies; for my imperfections has helped and giving myself the grace I never had growing up has been very helpful. The grace to be myself and to make mistakes and to learn from my mistakes has been very impactful.

After my slip yesterday morning, the rest of the day was free of lies, embellishments and omissions and I was able to fall asleep with a clear conscious.

Hope everyone has a truthful Monday!

Good morning All – and welcome, Fried! Again, I can only echo what medicx, asda, and btr have all said. I need to slow down, think about what I’m going to say/do, consider the effect of my actions on myself and others, then respond truthfully. There’s one thing I’d like to add. I need to strive for excellence, realize than I’m imperfect (and will make some mistakes), then stay focused/aware and learn from my mistakes. If I get emotional and get into self-loathing, then the likelihood of repeating old, habitual, reflex behaviors goes way up. In the past few months (since I first found this group), I have been honest more than ever before. I am not perfect at it, but I am far from where I was during the fall of last year. I was honest yesterday and look forward to the opportunity to be honest and direct again today. I wish everyone a happy, truthful Monday. Stay strong - we can do this!

thanks for the support guys. i hope you all find the inner strength for a lie fee monday.
(i feel like i sort of have an anonymous family i can come to when i need support and offer support when needed. thanks)

howdy y'all
hope everyone is having a good truthful day. i've been on this dam computer most of the day trying to get rid of emails. got behind the power curve so to speak and been clearing them out. the damn things are like rabbits, if you leave two of them there, there'll be 500 by the time you get back. at any rate, i had to back myself up today and and recant something i said....didn't pay attention to my own words...slow down, think and then speak the truth...like 'btr' got diarrhea of the mouth....mj, glad you think of us as your 'family' anonymous or otherwise, it's good to have folks you can turn to that understand..have a good one folks.

My name is Manu, I am a liar.

Welcome Manu or HP! you're in the right place. medicx, good for you for recanting your lie! Well done! Yesterday was lie free, I was able to stay present even under some very trying discussions with my wife - not trying in 'ya gotta be kidding me' but trying in that the discussion was very emotional and honesty required me to be vulnerable - something I don't like very much, but I did it and it didn't kill me.

May y'all have a Happy Lie-Free Tuesday.

morning all. i've been lie free. mostly because 'ive kept to myself. but best to avoid my triggers

Good morning all, just checking in. I have been lie free for a couple of 24 hours now. Welcome to those new to this "group"! You should
know that you are in the right place since you took the action to be here.
MJ, thanks for reminding me about triggers. Just as lying has become second nature, not recognizing or watching out for triggers is the norm for me.if I am alert to triggers, I might be able to stop the lie before it starts. I cannot just sit back and let things happen as usual.(if Iwant to stop this lying). Anyway, everyone havea great and truthful day.

welcome hp, as 'btr' has said, this is the place and hopefully you will be able to, as i and hopefully, many others has, find a way to curtail or better yet stop lying all together. not an easy road, but it can be traveled, and that travel is made easier by being able to come here and discuss the problem with others who know what it's like... a good truthful day to all

Happy Wednesday. Yesterday was a lie-free day, but I realized a different twist to this whole thing. My therapist asked me a question - it was pretty insightful. Instead of thinking about the question and responding, I did what you often see politicians do - I started babbling. Everything I said was truthful, but not to the point. It was analagous to booking a flight from NYC to Chicago via Bangkok, Paris, Pretoria, Yemen and then winding up in Mexico City. She looked at me like I had two heads and then called me out. It took me a minute to realize what I had just done. I'm frustrated to see how easy it is to slip into image management mode, but grateful she called me out.

Have a lie-free Wednesday y'all!

btr, i've been doing that in a similar way as well, although mine is an irrelevant truth. I still feel guilty saying it and i didn't realise i had done it. But upside, I lied today. I lied about going to sleep to my boyfriend and he caught me while I moved... It's still so hard to tell the truth so I just pretended I was asleep and didn't respond to me until absolutely necessary. It scares me how easily it is for me to lie sometimes especially when it was unnecessary and to someone I love so much . I really want to change but I find it so hard.
I just had to find another therapist so right now I have no real support. No one who really knows.

Good morning All - and welcome, Manu! I was lie free yesterday, though I was tempted. Fried, having an effective therapist will no doubt help speed your recovery. However, there is great support and understanding here. In addition, there is a lot of wisdom, experience, and practical advice. By checking in regularly and reading past posts, I've found a community of people who know what I'm going through (if not exactly, then at least generally). Joining this group has had a most significant, positive effect on my recovery. That said, image management was one of my biggest concerns - and the downfall of my development. If there was a subject that interested me (and I thought others would find attractive) I would gather enough information to concoct a plausible story. I was a good enough storyteller that I was able to convince those around me that I had experiences and expertise that I did not possess. I even began to believe some of it. The worst was when I mixed fact with fiction to make a better story. In these instances the line between real and fake became very blurry. And in many cases, I lied about things that were not really that important. By acting this way, I have made my life much less. People around me have finally seen through the false front - and they are very disappointed and upset that I had lied to them. Also, I spent lots of time weaving a complex story where I could have been using the time to make myself better. If I had done this, I might have actually become the person I said I was. This is one of the reasons that I am working to be truthful, real, and direct. But I have to be constantly on guard so I slow down, think about what I'm going to say, consider the effect it will have on me and those around me, and answer truthfully. I don't want to slip into image management mode. I hope everyone has a truthful day. Stay strong, all!