Good morning All! A number of years ago I was abusing alcohol. I felt alone, isolated, and ashamed. Then I went through a treatment program and found that the experiences related by the people in the group basically told a similar story. Our life stories differed in many details, but in general (hiding liquor, lying, drinking to numb the pain) they ran parallel. Much like when I went through adolescence, I thought I was the only one going through those feelings. Finding that there are others gives comfort and (depending on the people involved) a great deal of support. Malico brought up a point about being enigmatic. I’ve had a similar feeling – that by lying/storytelling I would be mysterious and enigmatic. It was also safe because if people didn’t know the real me, I would lessen the possibility of being hurt. One major problem was that I was seeing this response only in my own terms. What I didn’t see was that very few of the people around me thought I was enigmatic. They thought that I didn’t trust them - and in a sense I didn’t but only because of my insecurity. While some people were initially intrigued, most got tired of not knowing the me and gave up. I’ve found this to be a really lonely life. This is why I’m working on being honest and direct, because it’s worth being real and having relationships where people know who I really am. I wish all of you a very Happy New Year – and the continued strength to be truthful.

i feel lost and lonely. im not sure where to turn for help or support. my depression chat room doesnt feel right, and i think i got dumpped on new years morning, by the one person i thought would always be there for me. now i feel cold and bitter and i want to punch him in the throat. my best friend says it will be ok, but it doesnt feel like it. it hurts. it hurts a lot. i think i just need a hug

good morning all
i like your post 'bng' everything you say has a direct impact, not only on yourself but more importantly those around us that we care about. thanks for the new year wishes and especially for the 'continued strength to be truthful' amen bro' amen.
mariajoe, consider yourself hugged, i tried to get a jpg. to copy into the discussion box but it didn't take. we all get the feeling of being out there all by ourselves, some of us more than others. punching this guy in the throat, while immediately satisfying, isn't the real answer. not sure why your chat room isn't feeling right to you. it always hurts when someone we felt we could trust turns out not to be that person, it sucks and there isn't any easy way to say it or deal with it. i wish i had some magic bullet that would correct everything (i'd dang sure use it on myself). so all will tell you is, this to shall pass, it won't be easy, but it will end. make sure that this guy actually did 'remove himself" from your support circle and if he did, so be it....not being sarcastic but there are more and better folks out there. in the meantime consider yourself hugged, not just a quick squeeze, but one of those nice long tight hugs that get your endorphins flowing <G> good luck MJ

ty medicx. i hope it will be ok. well im gonna make it ok :)
*im gonna hug you back, reall good*

excellent, hugs all around :-) that's the attitude, we are the only ones responsible for our happiness. others, may help, but it is up to 'us' to make 'us' happy i'm sure that you'll succeed!!

Good morning all. MJ, hope you're feeling better especially after all of those hugs :-). As Medicx says it is up to us to define our happiness; we cannot control the actions of others, but we do have control over how we think and respond to those actions. It is not easy; it does not come naturally as we are creatures, especially us, who react. Our challenge is to slow down the process and think before we act.

Yesterday I had a very candid discussion with my adult son about image management aka lying. It was good to get things out in the open. I knew before, but he confirmed how lying and addictions are multi-generational as he has been fighting his own demons - he is doing better than me, but nonetheless I realize just how much my actions impact those I love. Yesterday was a day of complete honesty. Today is a new day - one day, one moment at a time.

Good morning everyone, hope all is well with you. Especially MJ, hang in there. There are a lot of great comments here to help you.
I had a slip yesterday. Seems like a small one, but at this stage in my lying any slip small or big is devastating, especially to my wife. It was just a simple thing. I was unplugging the outside Christmas lights. She asked if I pulled out all the lights and I said no. Then she asked if it was because they were frozen in and I said yes. That was the lie. I had not even checked nor thought to pull them out at that time. I was protecting my self automatically and the lie just came out. I felt I should have known to chech and wanted to change the situation to what it should have been. She knew and caught me right away. That hurt her that I could still act like that. Further reminder to me that I have to be constantly vigilant. I will lie by default if I don't take corrective action right away. Had to get this out into the light. Hope this can help someone in some way. Thanks

Good morning Everyone - and welcome, MJ! I can only echo what medicx, btr, and asda have said. Stay strong, there are people who care about you, and it will get better. I’ve been thinking about my lying and lying addiction in general. When I was in treatment for alcohol abuse, I used to think about how much harder (comparatively) it must be for food addicts. If I was feeling especially weak, I could always just avoid situations where there was alcohol available. The alcohol isn’t actually necessary to my life. On the other hand, food addicts have to do what I consider to be the rough equivalent of “social drinking” for an alcoholic. I thought about how difficult it would be, how it would take constant vigilance, and how unfortunate their situation was. Now I see that my road to recovery from lying is pretty much the same path as for a food addict. Ironic, don’t you think? To be honest and direct takes constant awareness, thought about what I’m going to say and the effect of what I say has on others, and then speaking the truth. This is not a “one-and-done” addiction. Like a food addict, I will always be in situations where I might feed my addiction. Even if I decided to become a hermit, I don’t think there is any way to completely avoid contact with others. And then there’s the issue of lying to myself. This means that there will always be a chance that I will slip, so I have to consistently pay attention to what I am doing and avoid running on autopilot. My wish for all of us is that, with enough practice, it will become easier and more natural to be honest. I hope everyone has a fun Friday – and a great, truthful weekend.

morning all seems like there was a 'spurt' in posts today and that's a good thing. like to see the discussions goin' 'round. each one makes us think about the who, what, why and how of ourselves and how we need to keep aware of what we say each time we talk. yesterday, for some reason was one of those days where i had to keep biting my tongue so to speak to keep from embellishing a simple statement into something ti wasn't.....one of the folks that i was with,asked me why it took so long for me to answer some of the questions...and i told her, to keep me from lying or at the minimum inflating my answers, she thought i was kidding and i just let it go, i had answered honestly and it worked for me. have a great week end all and stay strong, we can do this

a thought provoking comment medicx about slowing down. I mercifully am not aware of any lies told yesterday, but via one conference call in particular I retrospectively realized I had diarrhea of the mouth - that's when my mouth starts to take control. Had had the call lasted longer who knows where it would have led. A reminder to me to slow-it-down and think before speaking even if it draws attention. So-be-it.

slowing down is one thing we all need to keep in mind, 'btr' not only when we're talking but in many other aspects of of daily lives...it's a tough place out there folks, let's all work at being truthful

Hi guys, I'm new here. I think I have a big big problem with lying. I don't even know why I do it. Sometimes I just do and most of the time, I don't feel sorry about it. I really want help so I decided to call my shrink again. Any tips for a newcommer?

Welcome Fried. I'm too new to offer advice, but for me while I may not always feel sorry, I'm realizing the damage lying does to me, to my relationships and the deep & harmful impact it has on those I love and care about.

The past 24 hours were fine until this morning's run, then I took two different real life events and combined them into one story for impact - I regret doing that and didn't catch myself until the embellishment was out. I know better. For me, an ommission and an embellishment fall into the lying category - to be avoided in their entirety.

Today is not over and it is not a loss - just time to buckle-down.

morning all, especially to the new folks, 'fc' welcome to the group. s far as tips go, go slow and take the time to think about what you're going to say, and then when you do speak, speak the truth, not easy, but can be done.
'btr' sorry 'bout this morning, but 'it' happens, you know you did it so like the bicycle, get back on...and you're right, omission embellishment, and outright lying all fall into that category that we are trying to get away from. good luck on the restart and a good truthful day for all

Even when I think about it I catch myself lying and not realising until later that I have when I get caught for it. Is that in this sense normal? I just don't even realise anymore and when people confront me I always have a difficult time remembering what i had said. Today I lied about going for a walk when I told my So that I was going for a drive. Until he caught me I didn't think anything of it until it sparked a fight. Even now im fairly unsympathetic. :s