Just joined the group after lying to my wife (and others) for the past ten years about so many things, it's shames me to think about it (yet I have to do it and confront it). From a secret bank account to a full blown affair at the end I have abused my wife (who I love very much) with lies to the point that she is ready to leave. I finally have to admit that I have an addiction to lying - especially when confronted or when I feel pressured. Combined with an unhealthy dose of narcissism this created an unbearable situation for those that I love.
Anyways - I am relieved to have found a group that I can share this with and will hopefully join one of the next virtual meetings.
Taking it one day at a time...

Good night everyone...

Welcome Marco. You are among friends who care about you and have been or are currently in the same position you are in now and are willing to walk the journey toward recovery with you. First step is admitting you are powerless over lying and your live has become unmanageable.

Step 1 – We admitted we were powerless over lying and our lives have become unmanageable.
Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

Welcome Marco and congrats Larry on what I hope is now 18 days of lie-free existence.

Marco as I read 'unhealthy dose of narcissism,' it resonates true with me. My ego has been my undoing in the past. When I achieved a modest level of sobriety, my ego kicked in to make me belief I was in control and could do recovery alone - wrong. Everytime I have attempted recovery and been unsuccessful it can be attributed to my over inflated ego. I mention this only to bring it to your attention - I hope my experiences can spare you my failings.

Larry listed the steps to a 12 step program. The key is to truly turn your will over to a Higher Power. Not a religion, but a Higher Power 'as we understood Him.' and as the Big Book of AA states 'Half measures availed us nothing.' You're either in or your not - again, that is only my experience.

Marco, I wish you well on this journey. It will not be easy, but it is worth the effort.

Yesterday I put to rest my lingering resentments (Cap-R) and it was a much better day. Still lie-free today. Going on 73 days - not totally lie free, but when I caught myself lying I immediately corrected myself.

Happy Wednesday to everyone!

Hi, I am Sue and I am a liar. I have been really determined and not lied for over a week but told an un-truth this morning.

Hello! Drew here. From Worcester MA. Originally from Louisville KY. New here, and don't know how to do "truth" for real, yet. I hope to learn from you guys. Can I post contact info on here?

Good Morning, Sending strength to you all x

Welcome Drew and Sue - I suggest you re-read some of the older posts here. Slow-down; deep breaths; think before speaking and if you lie, correct it immediately. If you're interested we started a Thursday evening video call - we started with three of us and now have four, we would welcome both of you.

Drew, re: contact info, I suggest you 'friend' some folks here and communicate via more private messages, but that's your call.

Work is very stressful, but holding it together and still lie-free. Happy Thursday to all y'all.

Just had a great online meeting with BTR, Sailor, and Drew. I really appreciated BTR reminding me to keep the Serenity Prayer in my mind when I am feeling frustrated with people not believing me even though I'm telling the truth. Sailor also gave me great insight into just telling the truth and leaving it at that. He said that once we accept that we are OK with the outcome and we tell the truth there is no need to spend time trying to convince people we are telling the truth. It can be very healing to not have to "try to make people believe" you. Just tell the truth, don't defend it or worry if people believe you or not - you have told the truth and whether people believe you or not, falls under the category of "serenity to accept the things I can not change". We can not force someone to believe us or even convince them to believe us - that has to come from them and we can't control them so I just need to let it go of that demand or expectation. Rebuilding trust takes time and can not be hurried by us. I hope everyone has a lie free Friday today. :-)

Iswan - thanks for leading last night's meeting - the topic was Trust, Iswan found and shared literature with us dealing with trust and it stirred up a very good discussion - thanks to Iswan, Sailor and Drew for your collective input/wisdom.

Going on 75 days of mostly lie-free, but fixing my slips when they occur - Happy Lie Free Friday!

Deep Breaths today - slowing down.... Remembering the good thoughts and experiences from all of you. Told the one I love that I belong to LA last night after grappling with it. First admitting to myself that I was scared but understanding the truth is what it is and I am powerless to control the outcome was hard but a wonderful feeling all at the same time. My biggest fear was in fact just that and nothing more; just fear. The scenario I had built up in my head never came to pass, just support and understanding...
Today is a good day.... 13 days - Amazing meeting last night. BTR thank you for your insight and Iswan thank you for somehow talking about the exact thing that I needed to hear - great meeting....Happy Lie Free Friday.
"Like I said, not all legends are about victory. Some are about struggle, finding out who you are and your reason for being. "... I heard this quote the day I found LA and it stays with me each day.

Deep Breaths today - slowing down.... Remembering the good thoughts and experiences from all of you. Told the one I love that I belong to LA last night after grappling with it. First admitting to myself that I was scared but understanding the truth is what it is and I am powerless to control the outcome was hard but a wonderful feeling all at the same time. My biggest fear was in fact just that and nothing more; just fear. The scenario I had built up in my head never came to pass, just support and understanding...
Today is a good day.... 13 days - Amazing meeting last night. BTR thank you for your insight and Iswan thank you for somehow talking about the exact thing that I needed to hear - great meeting....Happy Lie Free Friday.
"Like I said, not all legends are about victory. Some are about struggle, finding out who you are and your reason for being. "... I heard this quote the day I found LA and it stays with me each day.

Sailor - I'm glad you found last night's meeting helpful and I know I appreciated your comments/contributions as well. Congratulations on your victory of being honest and sharing your involvement in LA. The fact that your conscience was bugging you last night is a good thing. I know I used to lie all the time and my conscience did not bother me - or I had learned to suppress/ignore it to the point I did not hear it anymore. The fact that we are now listening to and following our conscience is a good sign that we are becoming healthier people. Happy lie free Friday.

in line with what we have been talking about I just read this great quote out of the book "The Language of Letting Go" (thanks Laura for the pointer to this book):

"Our opinion of ourselves is truly all that matters. And we can give ourselves all the approval we want and need."

Many of my lies grew out of concern around what people thought of me or trying so desperately to win their approval, so I found this quote very helpful. Easy to say but hard to live. Working on it. :-)

Well done Sailor - we all have closets we have to emerge from and it sounds like you're coming out of yours - it's inspiring when we share our stories and triumphs.

Iswan, absolutely - we have no, nada, zippy control over how others perceive us, but we do have control over our own thoughts. I lied to be lovable, but it's only through honesty and vulnerability that my true lovable self can emerge - it's up to others, not me, to determine if they like and love what I am - I give it over to my Higher Power.

Happy lie free Saturday to all!

i am learning to find that i need to be okay with letting people be upset with me...that its not so all or nothing. that some people might not like what i have to say but they will get over it and i need to be honest with myself and have self worth and my own integrity. i cant seem to find it. any tips on how to find one owns integrity.