Hello everyone. I have had a rough couple of weeks. I told a lot of big and small lies that led to my sister (the person who I primarily lie to) having to bail me/us out of a situation. I have spent the last few weeks trying to fix things with her. Doing whatever she asks me to do, along with finding us a new place to live, going to school full time and working full time. I have lied during this time though. I felt overwhelmed and was petrified that I would dissappoint her. The only way I can rebuild the trust with her is by doing what I say I will do. But this schedule is physically exhausting. She says that she doesn't care that I am tired, and doesn't care that I am stressed, that I have done this to myself and that I deserve it, and more. I know that she is right. We got in to it tonight, and some things that she said really struck me. That her thought is that I am just a bad person. That I am doing this on purpose to hurt her. That I am wrecking her life health-wise. And that I dont have anyone in my life that I have had a positive impact on without lying and hurting them. She is right. knowing that this is all true, it shows how pathetic and worthless my life has been to this point. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want people to see me as someone that can be trusted and relied on. I want them to be able to come to me and know that i can help them. I don't know this feels a bit like a ramble at this point.

Welcome Drew. MJ, I am learning to accept the uncertainty of life aka change as I often have no control over external factors. As I'm learning to just go with the flow, it's as if the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

Yesterday was lie free, but after a month of concentrated effort I am finding the 'honeymoon' period is over and it's as if I'm going through withdrawal - never thought of lying as an addiction, but in my case perhaps it is.

I will stay the course today - as they say one day at a time. Hang in there guys and happy lie-free Wednesday.

Hello All! Welcome to all who have joined since my last check-in! I have been lie-free for the last two days and look forward to being honest today. Reading the recent posts I see stories that bear a resemblance to mine. I wanted people to believe that I’m better than I really am. So I lied. I was embarrassed by something I had or had not done. So I lied. And it gets worse when I’m tired. Sometimes now I feel lost and helpless, I despair that people don’t trust me, I feel unsure how to act around the people closest to me. I have created my situation in life through both action and inaction – through the choices I’ve made. Much of what I’ve done has been because of my self-absorption. Rarely did I think of others when I was lying, or of the effect lying would have on me. I was in it for short-term benefits, not long-term ones. CMA, CMA, CMA. Recently I read a couple simple equations that really hit home: self-centeredness=pain; other-centeredness=happiness. While they represent extreme opposite conditions, I have been giving them a lot of consideration. Much of my life I’ve been frightened and cowardly because I was interested in self-protection. Much of my life I haven’t really “been there” for my friends and family because I always came first. I’m behaving differently because I want a different life – a different outcome. The only way that I’ll get better is to do what people have posted here. Slow down, think about what I’m going to say, think about the effect it will have on others (and myself, as well), then speak what is right. Thanks to all for your help and support. Stay strong everyone!

Good Evening All,

Today was lie free for me... it's a strange feeling. I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but also very exposed. This is the 2nd day in a row that my wife has been pleasant towards me. I know there will be very tough times ahead, but I'm enjoying this little bit of happiness. I will not however let this little bit of happiness distract me from the bigger issues... as has happened in the past. I must continue to be very aware of what I say and not worry about what other people think of me.

Thanks for the continued support and have a good lie free Thursday.

Yo peeps. Just checking in. Keep up the good work. All are doing great

Today I have been lie free. I 'fall off the wagon' when i feel overwhelmed and when I feel like its the only way out that wont result in a fight. The irony is that I am always found out, and it always results in a HUGE fight. I am trying to change this about me. I can see why its happening (which makes it worse when I am in the middle of a lie), I am a totally insecure person. I want desperately for the people around me to love me. I don't think that they will love me or like me or respect me or think that i am a responsible person unless i am doing everything, and doing it right. the problem is that i create this catch 22 where i want them to love me and like me etc etc, then i lie which makes them dislike me, not trust me, have no respect for me, and not want to be around me (which feeds the paralyzing fear of not having anyone in my life).

I am praying and hoping that if I continue to have lie-free days, and if I pull an insight from Bignose and live an other-centered life, that the people that I love and care about will give me another shot and will love and like me

Hey Everyone,

I missed check in yesterday and I am checking it at midnight tonight, so I'm not sure if I'm checking in for Wednesday or Thursday! Regardless today has been a lie free day, and more, it has been a great day. There is still a lot of distance between me and my girlfriend, and I know I have a lot of work to do, but I feel strong enough to handle it, if I can remained focused on my goal of being and honest person.

Aab, I know how you feel about how your actions effect others. In my experience people will respond much better to honesty than dishonesty. Telling a lie is a short term fix that will blow up your face, and theirs. It is better to be honest, even it means disappointing someone for a poor performance, than to lie to them and have them find out. If you are upfront about your mistakes and failures they may be disappointed, BUT, they will also see that you are taking responsibility for them. And that is commendable, and respectable. If you lie and they find out anyway it compounds the problems ten fold. Truly believe in yourself, and others will believe in you. Stay strong, and keep fighting the good fight!

Have a great evening and a lie free Thursday everyone!

Best.

Joel

jg, aab and ja - well done! One day at a time.

This morning I'm reminding myself not to get complacent. To think before speaking, to slow down and be present; not to worry about being judged by others and that I am lovable warts and all.

I hope Thursday is a grand and lie-free day for everyone and a little prayer to those who suffer lying but aren't fortunate enough to know about this site and the great people/advice who are here.

Amen to that, btr! When I feel complacent, overwhelmed, tired, and frightened I have a greater tendency to lie and think only about myself. If we are consistently honest (and not hurtful), people will like/love us or not; they may judge us. But at least their responses will be based on our true selves. And the freedom that this affords us is truly wonderful! As a people-pleaser, this has been very difficult for me to change. I still fight the feeling that I want everyone to like me, but now I'm much less inclined to lie to achieve their approval. I've been lie-free for another day. Everyone have an honest and enjoyable Thursday!

This is day 40 in my recovery program. Recovery from lying and other addictions. So far so good. The lies have been minimal and when spoken I catch myself and make amends - sometimes it has taken literally a day for me to reflect and realize I spoke an untruth - that is how embedded this has become. But I accept my imperfections and have stopped beating myself up for being human.

This site has been an invaluable tool in my recovery and I appreciate all the posts and reminders, especially those who are consistently posting here - y'all are more helpful than you could possibly imagine - thank you.

Happy lie-free Friday to all.

Good Morning all and welcome to all the new members! It has been a while since I have checked in but I have been lie free so far. However I must paraphrase that statement by saying that I have realized that I am an opportunist. When I hear information that I did not previously know, but say nothing and let people think I knew, I am seizing upon an opportunity. I am not lying but I am giving a false impression. This constitutes a lie in my " new" book. One more thing I have to be aware of and think before I respond (or not respond in this case). Living in the moment and not being afraid to say what I am thinking is what I need to be doing. (Fear -brings up a whole other last that I won't go into now.)
Anyway, you all have a great and truthful Friday.

hwdy y'all

been behind the power curve for a day or two, i'd read the posts that have been put up and think i need to get online and reply or at least bring myself update there, but never did. been truthful since i've been gone, but the repercussions of previous lies have been bubbling up to the surface and each time it seems to be a set back, but i keep flooding along i wish i knew how much longer these 'past lies' will continue to plague me, but i've been around since 'forever it seems' and so they may never stop coming to light. everyone have a wonderful weekend, stay strong friends i'll go back thorough the posts for the last few days and say howdy to all the new/returning folks that i don't remember speaking to before. for all those whom i've already 'met' here, thank you so much for your support and advice and help...i'd have never made it this far without y'all..'btr' wow man! 40 days...excellent! i'm not a religious man, but i have read and studied some in my time around the block, 40 is a very significant number, the children of isreal wandered in the desert for 40 years, when the devil took jesus to the mountain to temp him,they were there for 40 days....and the list goes on. to repat what my granny used to tell me 'you done good son, you done good' later folks

Little late signing in today. Last night my wife shared my addiction (more than just lying) with her kids and I discussed with my son-in-laws. The grace they've shown me is incredible. I am truly an insane ass to jeopardize the supportive and wonderful family I have.

Today has been full of grace and void of lies, omissions and embellishments. Hang in there y'all and Happy Saturday.

btw - forgot to thank you medicx for your kind words. As we begin our journey it's important to remember how far we've come and not worry so much about how much farther we still need to go - as they say in 12 steps, one day at a time.

Keep up the good work everyone, good to have you back medicx. I am so grateful to everyone on this post - the daily reminders keep me focused and remind me of the dangers and the hurt caused by my lying.

Thanks to each of you and have a lie-free Superbowl Sunday :-).

Good Morning all,

I find the biggest thing I struggle with is being open and honest about my feelings... often times i hold how I feel inside... essentially omitting the truth- which is a lie. It will be a challenge getting that straightened out, but it can be done. I believe I do this to avoid conflict... and to please people.

Thank you all for your continued posts. It's incredibly inspiring and motivating. It's been a few days since i've checked in and found myself not as aware and not purposely thinking about what I'm saying. Checking in and reading the posts this morning will help me recalibrate today. Thank You.

Have a great lie- free day everyone!