Hello All! I hope everyone is doing well. I was lie free again today and avoided a problem situation yesterday. I feel really good. And that worries me. It’s at times like this that I feel, and start to act, as if I have my new (truthful, empathetic) behaviors well in hand. Intellectually, I know that I must slow down, think about my answers and about others around me, then answer truthfully. But somehow I get overconfident – and then, typically, screw up. I end up walking a line between having virtually no self-confidence and behaving as if I have abundant self-confidence. It’s an emotional roller-coaster that is pretty self-destructive. So, I think the way to approach this is by keeping in mind the things you all have said here. Each instant is another chance to be honest and real. I need to decide to be truthful and caring of others moment by moment – day by day. I wish all of you a wonderful, truthful weekend.

howdy everyone hoping that today finds us all well and truthful. bng, you are so very right, it is a constant battle keeping ourselves honest. one step at a time, one response at a time and it does get difficult at time. we find ourselves cruising along like we had good sense and then realize that we're just about to "embellish" something that doesn't need to be embellished and have to correct ourselves sometimes in mid word. all we can do is what we are dong, stop, think, answer...truthfully.

y'all have a good week end

Read this and thought it appropriate to share:

'Whatever I say has value simply because it comes from me; not because I need other people's approval.'

Today was a painfully truthful day, but truthful and a step in an honest direction.

Made it through yesterday without a lie although I wonder at the subtleties of my lying and wonder if I'm lying to myself. I struggle to understand what real truthfulness even looks like. I think I know, but at this point I'm not absolutely willing to totally trust even myself.

morning all

i like your quote 'btr' and it has great meaning for those of us who belong to this group. as far as your doubting yourself, that comes with the territory i suppose, we've all done it and at this point, you have to have faith in yourself and whatever contract you made with yourself...one step at a time, stop think and speak the truth...that for me is the most difficult part, because i tend to just let fly without thinking. my da used to tell me it "is your cadillac mouth overloading my model a arse" so for me it is forcing myself every time to stop and think before opening my mouth to answer. it can be done, it's a bear, but it can be done...... good luck to all of us

Hello All. I hope you all are having a wonderful day. I’ve been truthful today and look forward to the opportunity to continue. BTR, your struggle with knowing what truth is feels familiar to me. There are times at the end of the day when I look back and have to go through as many interactions as I can remember in order to check that I have been truthful. This is a problem because I have a tendency to rewrite history – especially to make myself look better. My feeling is that I have been dealing with the truth for a shorter period than I’ve been lying. So, the more truthful I am – the easier it will become to identify it. I just need to work at slowing down, thinking about what I am going to say, then answer honestly.

There is some information on the psychforums website that I’ve found interesting and applicable. Though I’m sure that if I looked back over the posts someone else would have found this website, I’ll share the links anyway. Not all of the info may be useful to everyone, but there has been a lot to help me understand how and why I lie (http://www.psychforums.com/compulsive-lying/topic129187.html) and some tips on how to stop (http://www.psychforums.com/compulsive-lying/topic116107.html). I wish you all a fun Sunday evening. Here’s to a truthful day for us all!

thank you BNG for the links, actually I received a 404 error, but nonetheless just went to the home page and it appears to be a wonderful resource, I skimmed a couple of the topics and bookmarked the site to return later. I did begin to contact an on line therapist from the site to ask a question. I was a bit surprised there is a fee, so opted out and found the same information elsewhere on the site.

Yesterday was a day of brutal honesty including very frank discussions with my wife, who due to my lying is contemplating leaving because of my lying. I may have mentioned this previously but she is the best person I know and I love her from the bottom of my soul, so talk about hitting a new low. We discussed how if we were the adult we would nuture our inner child. Sounds simple, but it was emotionally draining. At one point I thought to tell her I couldn't continue, but decided that was an easy out, so continued and glad I did - glad we both did.

Turning today over to my Higher Power with sincerity (I'm not religious; just working the steps) and will slow life down and think before I engage my 'cadillac mouth' with my broken-down ford pinto arse."

Good morning Everyone. Thanks for the heads-up about the links, BTR. When I posted them, somehow I included a close paren. For anyone trying them, you can copy the URL into your browser and remove the last ) and then they will work. Sorry I didn't notice before I posted. I've been honest so far today. And I feel really grateful for having another chance to be truthful, to have a good, real life, and to have a group of people who understand and provide support. I hope you all have a fine, honest day.

Hey everybody, malico here again. I haven't checked in for a few days and it's no wonder because, well, I broke my strong streak. I had a really good lunch with a friend where I was very exact about everything I said and it felt great. Despite this good progress I started fibbing around my family, out of boredom, almost. The lies seemed harmless and entertaining, why not?

But then something happened that really disturbed me: at dinner with my folks, I brought up a memory to my brother and prodded him about it, smilingly, "Hey, remember when we x? Remember when we x?!" He gave me this weird sidelong glance and said nothing. Later I realized that I hadn't been there when X had happened, and he knew it; still, I had recounted the story so many times that I believed it, completely.

I can't remember why it was important to stop lying before. Even if people catch me, I think, so what? I feel "engimatic" and "elusive" when people distrust me or can't figure me out. Is there possibly some other personality disorder at work here? :(

Hope everyone else is still fighting along strong....

good evening everybody

still struggling with my 'bad habit' and each day is a new challenge, i hope i can continue on the road i'm working and work is the right road, every day is 'work' to get through..honest..

I had a couple of days without lies and then this morning I lied about the dumbest thing - whether I had taken a shower before entering the pool. The last thing I noticed before entering the pool area was that all swimmers must take a shower, which I didn't - yes that is another problem of mine, thinking I'm above the rules. My wife joined me a few moments later and asked if I took a shower because she wondered if the men's locker had hot water since the women's did not. What flashed before my eyes was I got caught breaking the rules, so I lied. How habitual was that response? My wife could care less if I had showered she was only curious about water temperature.

After a few laps in the pool I pulled my wife aside and confessed my lie - I felt better and she thanked me. My lie to her was 'automatic' and a clear reminder that I need to listen to the question and slow down so my brain and mouth are fully engaged and clear in distinguishing truth from fiction. I forgive myself for this morning's lie and will work to be lie-free the rest of today.

malico - we all have slips - don't let your's become a slide - stay true to yourself.

To a new year and to a new us. Give us the strength to be who we really are. We don't need to be anyone else. (Anymore)

Happy New Year everyone as asda says we're starting a new year and we do indeed indeed the strength to go through each day being an honest person..the best to all

I subscribe to a daily post from Hazelden http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/thought.view and I thought today's post worth repeating. Hazelden:

The beginning of the New Year will often bring back sad memories. This has been the big day for hangovers, coming down, remorse, guilt, and shame. But if we stay with our new purpose - staying clean and staying close to our Higher Power - we don't have to fear the New Year. God has forgiven our past mistakes and tomorrow is not yet here. If we do what we know is right today, all else will be taken care of.

It's not always easy to do what is necessary today, but it's impossible to change yesterday or to guarantee what tomorrow will bring. Our year will unfold better by living each day as it comes instead of regretting the past or anticipating the future.

Am I learning to live one day at a time?

I pray for the willingness to deal with today, instead of being obsessed with the past or the future.

May 2014 bring each of us self-forgiveness; the ability to give ourselves grace and a year full of truth.

BTR, it scares me how familiar your story about the pool shower felt. I have done exactly that so many times that it is my natural reaction. I am afraid of the next time that I am in the position to respond that same way. I feel I must be constantly aware of that trap and stop and think before responding.
Thanks for the reminder, and Happy New Year to everyone!