Hi I'm Josh I'm a liar it's been 5 days this is getting easier but even still I have moments where I want to lie. I remember why I'm doing this though. That's worth it being hard. Even though repair in my life happens just when I think the nights ending positively my significant other then throws out something that has to do with me lying and while I expect it I just want the days to end positively so we can heal however slowly. This may be a long road it can be rather lonely because she won't believe me and that's my own problem I suppose.

Honest Day 3 - the pangs in the stomach have subsided finally...and I slept well for the first time in two days...no lies told, questions still being asked and I'm sill answering them...each day learning what damage my lying has caused. It is painful to hear, but it is also EXTREMELY therapeutic...if that makes any sense at all. We talked again last night late...probing questions, but determined to answer each one truthfully and as honestly as I can. Today is her birthday...we spoke past midnight and I wished her so and posted a combo picture of us on her FB paged which she really liked...and this morning stopped by her home to give her birthday present and a card which she accepted and we hugged...for a long time...tears welled in my eyes as I had no idea how much I really missed her...the journey is just beginning not only for us but with me...and with Lent beginning next week I am looking forward to sacrificing and praying for better over those 40 days.

Have a truthful day everyone...

Jlab522 as my favorite football team says...Keep Pounding....

Day 14. Two weeks. Recognition. I am recognizing the behavior pattern to enact permanent change. Tomorrow again I will awake and not lie for another day. It hurts to sway from the truth.

Had a much better day yesterday, I hope everyone gets to enjoy another lie free day. Happy Friday!

Honest Day 4 : Felt a little saddened yesterday...the action of my lying has made her feel like she is inadequite..and that is so furhter from the truth...the actions I took and the lies I told about it has her sad about HER makeup...as she should have been enough for me not to stray and lie about it by omission. While I stillansered her questions...yesterday was her birthday...and instead of being with her we were in two separate places....sigh...feel like I want to cry or scream...praying for the day that this will be behind me forever...

Happy Friday. Its been a great and honest day. Moving forward with motivation and purpose and conviction. Looking forward to tomorrow. Keep it up all!!!

Day 7 going strong my names Josh I'm a liar it's been a hard week I'm trying to save my relationship I refuse to give up because she is worth it I'll fight for every inch of our relationship before I let her go so easy I can tell she wants to because it would be easier but when I say no when I argue our love for eachother she doesn't refute tha. I just wish she could spend some time in my head and find out how much I really love her.

Day 16. Have been authentic and present for another day. Helped a stranger when it was really inconvenient. Felt good and left me with gratitude. Stay well and remember I am enough. I do not need to be anything more.

Focused on getting me right. Beautiful day inside and out. Day 17 and remaining strong. I am enough. Hope all are well and moving in the right direction. Super Bowl Sunday and let's hope it is a good game with great ads. Stay well and be kind to yourself.

Days 5/6 Combo....Saturday was a busy day...no lies told but a return to good times past.. after my class she asked me to run errands with her; went shopping, went to dinner, so much of a good time had...had a long and deep discussion about how deep hurt my lies caused and I listened (not heard) and apologized again...and told her what I wanted...she asks because she is hurting and wants an avenue of how to get through it...at the end of the dinner and being dropped back home she asked if I wanted to come back home with her....I agreed and we stayed together that night...more and more discussions had.

On Sunday morning went to church and class...and on Sunday we had already had plans to attend a SB50 party at a mutual friends home...but I was hesitant up to the last minute to attend as both our friends (not all but those few) knew what had transpired and I really wasn't going to go...but if Im going to get through this, these are the things I cannot avoid so I went. She was glad I came and had a good time-but it was different. Afterwards I left, she called once she arrived home...we talked some more, told her of my trepidation...she said she understood but glad I came. I'm trying even in the things that bother me to tell the truth about them...lying has reaches FAR beyond the person closest to you. It affects your friends. your friends friends..and all other relationships...kinda like when you throw a rock in the lake and the waves ripple in all directions....I am remaining bcz in the midst I still feel encouraged....

day 17. Feeling good. Rumbling with lots of emotions and thoughts on this journey forward, The need to lie seems so bizarre. I am enough and do not need to be more. I have intellectually understood this but not sure emotionally and spiritually embraced this way of life. I have now. It feels good. Still a life time to go. Early in this session. Got to do this for me and no one else. There is no doubt we touch everyone with our lies. Happy Monday and look forward to Tuesday.

Day 7 : Like you Mikeyrg emotions run from happy to heavy to remorseful to hopeful...while the night ended on a sad note and thoughts and repercussions kept me up for a better part of the evening, I still move forward one moment at at time...the healing process is a great one as the pain caused is SO much greater...but in the midst of my tired eyes i still am moving forward..continuing to removed those things that would allow me to lie better than be truthful...and being truthful is becoming more and more liberating every day....have a great Tuesday all!

Hey all. another committed day! Continue to ask for support from powers greater than I. Continue to focus daily on the task at hand and concentrate on a day at a time. Although I feel I have this thing beat I know it is deep in my habits and will likely spring when caution is lowered. Hurt/sadness/happiness are all emotions that let me know I am alive. Working on my fears of abandonment and being alone as I am surrounded by friends and support. I know these irrational fears stem from childhood hurts. I marveled yesterday at why it has taken so long to "grow up". Its snowing in the south today.

I guess its been a week since I've checked in, i should really get better about this. Still going strong. Keep it up everyone.