Colo39... exactly.

Hi John...sure...no problem...iron is sharpening iron here...

Before the fall we went to many events together as we are both dancers...and normally I would ask if you want to go to such and such event, and she would say yes no or maybe...and if we didn't attend together we would ride with our respective groups and meet there. Now it is more of a "I may be interested" which I take for a yes...so I proceeded to purchase tickets for an event...they weren't expensive...and when I told her about it last night she stated that she never said she was going and proceeded to give her reason why...which were valid. She offered to pay me for her ticket after her explanation, top which I said no you don;t. After what I have put her through it wasn't a concern of what I paid. Point is that I'm hearing and not LISTENING...need to do that more...so yes in a way that is being selfish.

As to opening eyes my example is this...my finances. In the midst of lying and subsequent covering of those lies I often found myself just getting by when it came to my $$...handling things as they came up instead of planning like I should and knowing where my dollars were it was always last minute. not knowing how much i really make and what am I doing with the money I have...and honestly that is what her concern was with me, that I really didn't have a handle on my finances...and she was right. I didn't and when she shared that with me AFTER the fall I took notice...see what I mean, once that haze of lying is lifted and there's nothing else to hide, you see better. I have given new impetus on my finances, cutting back on expenditures, getting lower rates...and as of yesterday, accepted a new job with a higher salary and closer to home.

Now by NO means am I saying I'm better than anyone else in this group-I'm on same the journey...I have to wake and believe that no lie will be told be me regardless of how big or small...a lie is still a lie...and I just want to be better...a better person, a better companion, a better friend...a better life...deleting or separating yourself from those things or people that would have to even think about lying...those familiar things are always hard to separate from, but I have to and you have to as well and you will..we ALL will! #KeepPounding

Thanks. Those are great examples that are enlightening.

The finances example resonates, because yes, being completely open and honest and TRANSPARENT with my finances does open my eyes to what errors I've made in the past.

And your first example... I'm also learning that I need to listen and not hear. Also, I need to not assume things, and then do something and then have to explain, "Well, I just assumed that since that's how we've done it before, this would be okay."

Colo39, Proud of you!!!! Be strong! I threw out the other day; Authentic: loving the truth more than loving what other people think of you. Love is when a person loves the Authentic You! In this guy's humble opinion you are correct in your stand Colo39. Yes we have made mistakes. Yes we have hurt those we love. But we are here now committed to growth, and change, and moving forward where ever that takes us. I am convinced that what ever happened in the past was for a reason. I have to accept the choices I made and can blame no one else for these choices. It is what has gotten me to where I am now. But I cannot live in the past. None of us can live in the past. We are thinking differently now about who we are, what we want, what is important. We are learning to love ourselves; if we do not love our authentic self how can we expect someone else to? All the stresses of life will remain. How I choose to deal with these issues is different now. That is the neat thing about growth. A healthy relationship is where two people happy with themselves come together asking nothing from the other except companionship and support. If I have to behave in a certain way to make my partner happy and that behavior is not me then that relationship is doomed to failure. Vice versa, if I ask my partner to behave to meet needs of mine that are foreign to her that is not fair. And certainly if one is going to work on fixing a relationship stepping outside for emotional support seems ...well weird to me. It sure is nice not maintaining a false facade where I have to remember what I said to make me look a certain way and just telling it like it is. I like being me. Thanks to all for thoughtful insights, vulnerable admissions, and gift of friendship.

checking in and wow, lots of good stuff on here this morning. Mike you nailed it about being authentic and what it means!

Hi my name is Bonnie and I'm a compulsive liar. Checking in.

Been watching and reading for a while now. I love how supportive and encouraging every one is....I also have felt so alone for so long....like I am the only person in the world with this problem. So to step 1 and admitting I have a problem.... I'm a compulsive liar, it sucks, I hate it and it has completely destroyed my marriage and my life. The disgusting part is I only lie to one person and that is my husband. And it's about the stupidest crap EVER!! I didn't do something he asked me to do, I did something he asked me not to do, etc. Stuff that shouldn't be lied about, but I'm afraid he will get mad so I lie about it.

So I'm posting now...yesterday was Day 33 and was lie free, however my husband called me out this morning saying that I lied. I didn't qualify it as a lie initially, but looking at the situation, I think it is. WOuld love someone's opinion though....I had a meeting for work that I wasn't planning on going to. The number of meetings I have for my job is excessive and most are unnecessary, it has been a bone of contention for a while, plus with trust issues, makes it all very stressful. So, I told him I wasn't going two days ago, it came up this morning and again I said I wasn't going, he said that was a dumb and not a smart decision. I thought about it and thought about it and decided to listen to his opinion and went to the meeting. He then asked later if I went and I said I did. He then got upset that I lied, because I said I wasn't going and changed my mind and went and gave him no notification. Six weeks ago, he let me know that he no longer wants to know anything I am doing and doesn't care what I do with my work, but he will still occasionally ask questions. I have answered his questions truthfully (which is rare), and he always follows it up with he doesn't care what I do.

So did I lie? I just can't figure it out. And if he thinks I lied and made up his mind about it, does it even matter what I think?

Checking in. I'm John, and I'm a pathetic, compulsive liar.

Welcome 1Cor1378, glad you're here / sucks you're here. Congrats on having the resolve to be honest and lie-free.

Being a liar myself, I would probably say what you did was not a lie. I make that mistake consistently. But here's my two cents, and please keep in mind, it's only my opinion. I'll also use "me", as not to seem like I'm point my finger.

If things were good in my marriage, not a lie. "Hey, I changed my mind, and didn't report it to you. My bad. Sorry." Or maybe even it's a non-issue altogether. We (all people) make decisions like that from hour to hour, minute to minute. Furthermore, in a good, transparent marriage, where there is trust, changing my mind without any bad intent would be seen as that.

BUT... because things are bad in my marriage, and I've severely broken trust, anything I do that even looks or feels like there's a shred of a lack of transparency, will be seen as 100% a sinful, horrible lie.

I'm sorry. I changed my mind last minute. Didn't think to report it because I didn't feel it was a big deal. Look at all those I's. I didn't think it was a big deal, but I also didn't think about what my wife would think, or how she would feel.

My wife thinks it was a lie because it seemed shady to her.

For you, 1Cor13, I would have to say that to you it wasn't a lie, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. It was more mistake than lie. If you've vowed real change, learn from it, then just keep on moving.

Remember... Love is patient, love is kind, and believes and hopes all things... not just for your husband, or your relationship... but especially for yourself.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I wish I could take my own advice.

- John

Day 35...doing good...really staying in focused-it can be a challenge but when you look and see what's ahead instead of what is behind, well I just imagine where I will be a year from now. My lady and I have been still communicating - no scheduling snafus this time - and this time I asked her if she had any plans for Sunday instead of assuming (she said she would let me know). That's all I can do In the interim I actually made a conscious effort not to take ANY trips that require expensive hotels or airfare so I can continue to get my life in order financially. Hang in there everyone, yes it's a struggle but things have to get better as long as you don't give up. #KeepPounding

Im Dave. Im a liar. Ive been honest for 9 days and going strong.

1Cor, Welcome! Your Hubby doesn't own you. Be yourself. Don't worry about his responses/opinions and stick with the truth. You don't have to be perfect for him. He isn't perfect for you. Yet you still love him. You also have the right to change your mind without his approval. I give ya a pass on this one. And it's always the little shit we lie about. Trying to protect our image or something? You are enough! Don't be anyone else! Admit your faults and imperfections. That is what makes you you!! Spring has sprung in the south and the trees are all in bloom. Let's all blossom as well!

TGIF!!!! checking in after wrapping up another day of truths.

My name is Lucy, I'm a liar, and this is my first day of Liars Anonymous.

It's another Friday rolled around! TGIF (Trust, Gratitude,Inspiration, Faith). Remember, you can't give away what you don't have!! A simple concept. If YOU don't have love inside of you, you can't give love to someone else. Stay well and be kind to yourself!!

Day 36...happy Friday everyone! Another day, another victory and another chance to do it right...Welcome Lucy take it one day at a time like we all have and are still doing. Spend some great time with my sons last night talking about college and life...and a great convo with my lady who I am meeting tonight at a dance event in NY. Helpful hint: Find something that you enjoy to keep the gloom and guilt away...whatever it is...there is nothing you cannot overcome and nothing beats a failure but a try. #KeepPounding!