I'm John, and I'm a liar.

Yeah, welcome to the newcomers. Glad, but sorry, you're here. Also, thanks to those who are sharing their success stories as well as their, uhhh... "failure" stories. Sorry, couldn't think of a better term.

good morning all!!!! Last night was a challenge, as i forced myself to not withhold info from my wife even though I knew there would be back lash. There was, it included accusations, all of which i answered truthfully and whole heartedly. It made for a "cold" night, a restless one for her i'm sure. Nights like last night are a challenge for me also because I know she wants space because she is mad but I also want her to know that I love her and only her. Today will be a better day.

Great work JP! Being you! Dam the torpedoes! Dam the repercussions of being truthful! My partner told me she can always handle the truth. She may get mad for a second but then get over it. The lies last forever. I keep coming back to the metaphor of the wake of the boat. It is the path left behind the boat. It can't drive the boat. Steering my boat into deep blue water of staying real, staying truthful, staying up beat and I think that is what the world then brings me in return. The shit of life of course is always there but my attitude of how I deal with it is different. Hope all have a great upbeat day!

Day 27...no lies told again (I am getting used to this) but the anger from my mate seems heightened now more than ever...I still answered everything truthfully, told her how much I care, told her how sorry I was, told her how much I miss her...but will really have to face the fact that there is the great possibility that there may not be a return for her of the damage my lies have done...and for the first time I actually replied to her statement "If we are still together" with an affirmation of yes, if we are still together in planning any trips or events together. Folks not only do you have to face and tell the truth to others, you must tel the truth to yourselves...should this relationship end I have no one to blame but myself because I would be losing a damn good woman...but I didn't honor her enough by being truthful to her. But if this is the very costly price I have to pay for being truthful forever then I will pay...like Mikey says the boat is being steered forward, not pushed backwards...while my spirits are up, the heart is still heavy but I am determined to stay this course...keep pounding and have a great day everyone!

I've been reading the thread but realized I haven't been checking in. Days 21-25 have been decent and lie free. My husband has been sticking close to home and not really going out much like he was, but he says he still doesn't know where he's at or what he wants to do in terms of moving out and separation. In many ways we are at the healthiest our relationship has ever been. He is no longer freaking out and controlling every little thing I do and I am no longer lying. Still though there is a disconnect and lack of concern or care that I miss.

Logan you really hit the nail on the head about us needing to not only be truthful with others but we also need to be truthful with ourselves. It's a hard reality to face that due to our lies, relationships may be irreparable and may be gone....it's a terrible price to pay and not one I want to pay...but if I never lie again it will be worth it in the end.

There are many new people in the group now and many people interacting and responding....I can't tell you how much it helps and how encouraging it is to read all the posts and threads...so thank you all...you're keeping me strong, keeping me going and I don't feel alone in dealing with this problem.

Does any one know if there is a private Facebook group for Liars Anonymous. Sometimes the website doesn't operate well with my iPad or phone and I don't have a computer I can use to get on the website.

Hello,

My name is Mike and I am a liar. Today is day 2 since my last lie. I have put my wife through so much pain with my lies. I want so badly to prove to her that I can be 100% truthful. I would like to prove that to myself.

Hey Colo39...not sure about an FB page...and personally I'd like to keep it off of there...just my opinion though :)

Geez, this is hard. I'm telling less lies but I still haven't been able to get through a whole day without being completely honest. Lies just seem to fall out of my mouth when I'm talking with my wife. My default response is to tell her what she wants to hear rather than what's actually true. She has a strong personality and lies help me avoid her wrath which is super painful.

Resolving to be honest for the day is scary as hell. It feels like I'm going into a war zone without any body armor.

Here we go...

*get through a whole day being completely honest.

just checking in for another lie free day, session 2 of therapy is later this afternoon, the wife is invited to this one.

Checking in today. Try for no lies and painful honesty.

Day 28...truth still rules the day...felt better yesterday, at the very least we are still communicating, last night she said just she needed time...although she appreciates the truth being told and I have answered all of her questions she still feels angered and betrayed and still asks why I allowed it to happen. I told her that she can take as much time as she needs as I am not going anywhere unless she says otherwise...she asked if I didn't like it, I said it's not that, I had anticipated it considering all that had happened...and willing to wait and work our way through...but the good thing is no lying and that in itself is a continuing victory along with trying to straighten out things for myself to better myself.

hs2020 - if you scroll back a few pages, we talked about that 'armor' reference...the truth should always be in the forefront of the battle...no matter what...doesn't mean you have to be brutal in your truth, just real.

Yeah HS... being truthful and honest is like being naked in public. It's uncomfortable. Get used to it, though. If you scroll back, Mikey has good insight into it.

I'm with you, though. It's tough to get through a whole day. My wife sees exaggeration and downplay as lies too. Which I have to agree with, because it's not completely honest. I'm trying hard not to replace "downplaying" a situation with an outright lie. You can't sort-of stab someone in the heart. Same with downplay. I'm not sparing her feelings, I'm taking her for being stupid, when I do that. And that just makes it worse.

Live with the wrath, too. It's okay for her to be mad. She doesn't have to like the choices you make, but that doesn't mean she deserves to be lied to about them. When she gets mad, it's her making peace with it, and then you can move on. If you don't give her that chance, and she finds out later, that''ll be 2x, 3x, 10x the anger.

The people here who have said that you have to like you, you have to forgive you and you have to be honest with you are spot on. If you are all those things to yourself, then what amount of anger can have any effect? If you stand by a choice you make, and it's right, and she doesn't like it... well, as long as you're okay with you, you can't really control how anyone is going to react.

Sorry for a long winded check-in...

I'm John, and I'm a liar because I'm a coward, I don't like conflict, and I don't like myself. But I'm learning.