Hello... My name is David and I'm a liar.

Day 26, no lies, not even a desire too.

Jlsrbl...you seriously hit the nail on the head.....we can't control how someone is going to react, nor should we try to. We all express ourselves differently. My husband hated the choices I made, or what got thrust on to my plate and he would get mad about what ever the situation may be, but what he explained to me, that I could never get through my head, was that he was mad at the situation or my job...not necessarily at me...but I was the one there that he expressed the anger to. This was beyond difficult for me because I hate and cannot stand any form of conflict, so I would lie to avoid the conflict...which created more, nuclear level conflict.

Also, just curious, if we lie to avoid conflict and make things up or hide things trying to make or keep the other person happy, are we also Co-Dependents? This was mentioned to me and I was just curious about people's opinions and thoughts.

I'm Heather and I'm a liar, because I avoid any and all conflict and hide from confrontation.

Great post all! Yes. I know I had codependency issues, abandonment issues, insecurity issues! I have really discovered though through a lot of thought, recognition, work and reflection to be truly happy by myself. My need to lie has disappeared. My partner has to take me for who I am! Or not! As does the world. It's too much icky energy to maintain a facade. Like wise she has to be happy with herself and by herself. Therefore there is no need to depend on her for my happiness. I relinquished my need for codependency and of course it impacts all interactions. i ain't no therapist and I still have a lot of work to do! Just a few thoughts....All be well and, take accountability and choose to be up beat!

Daily check in.

Day 29...finding out that holding on to to the guilt of the result of the lies is TAXING and TOXIC...losing sleep and just feeling tired from all the energy that guilt saps from you. I have faced (and still facing) the ripples from the result of my lies...what I refuse to do is to let those lies sap my joy. Last night in my dance class I had so much FUN...going back to back to what I enjoy...and even the conversations that I'm having with my mate are 'lighter'; with her and everyone else. There is a scripture (Philippians 3:13) that states 'Brothers, I do not consider myself to have embraced it yet. But this one thing I do: Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, " I will go forward one day at a time, one moment at a time and do my best to face all in truth..I hope and pray all of us do as well...every time we wake up is another day to get it right...this is not a destination, but a journey...keep pounding!

Checking in. I'm John, and I'm a liar. I'm also a f**king hypocrite.

laurel1818... that brief check-in speaks volumes. What's up? Hoping that you and all here are doing well.

Day 27, no lies but feeling blah! Tons of anxiety. I get it every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, because those were the nights my husband was going out to see his "friend." Some how, some way, he has rationalized that becasue he is being up front and honest and I know what he is doing, it's okay and it's not an emotional affair. Whether I know or don't know wouldn't it still be an emotional affair. He is turning to some one else to talk to and get what he says he needs emotionally. Very frustrated and confused.Now I did say those were the nights he would go out, but he hasn't gone out in over a week now and he is no longer texting or "talking" to his friend....I know there is another one he's been talking to as well but I don't have much in for on the new one yet. What a flipping mess!!

Logan, Thks for your words! We can only control the now and not the past. Remaining commited to doing just that! I have to accept the consequences of my past behavior but will not let the shame/blame dictate my now and future. Stay truthful and authentic and be kind to yourself!

Day 3-4 checking in. No lies. had my 1st counseling session today and a pretty amazing heart to heart with my wife. Sometimes it is important to acknowledge that the compulsion to lie is also a symptom of deeper pain. We lie to protect ourselves from that pain. I feel like at least for now I am on a good path and am repairing the damage I have caused. Most important is that my wife believes I am on the path.
Stay strong and be kind to yourselves.

Checking in but very upset. Husband doesn't believe anything I say. Don't know how to stop!

Wow 30 days...it hasn't been easy but setting the tone when I wake up not to lie...good, bad or indifferent. Had a talk with my lady this morning en route to work..says she didn't sleep well...so many things on her mind she said...didn't want to delve into on the way to work...I'm actually seeing her for the first time since we went to dinner on Sunday at a dance event that I'm teaching at...can you say nervously excited? While the convos are staccato in length they are still happening...and for that I am still grateful.

Laurel...please don't give up or give in...I know the feeling of everything you say has no bearing..but this is for you first and then your husband. You know where you want to go just take the steps to get there...you have lots of support here.

Colo39....ugh but don't quit...

Mikey...it took a minute for me to recognize-I just want to continue....

GhostMike that's great!

It's Friday folks...we made it through another week...keep pounding!

End of another week! Congrats on 30 days! That's huge! I am staying focused on being mentally healthy and happy. Being honest makes us vulnerable. We have to put our real self out for all to see And that takes huge courage. Bryne Brown defines courage this way: Heroics is about putting our life on the line . Ordinary courage is about putting our VULNERABILITY on the line. Stay real, stay strong and stay committed. Hope all have a great weekend ahead!!

Laurel...my heart breaks for you. I am in the exact same spot and it is incredibly frustrating. Even being 28 days without a single lie makes absolutely no difference with him....he just reminds me he has had a lifetime without lies. It is so hard becasue right now you are probably wanting to stop lying for him, but you need to stop for yourself. I'm a total hypocrite saying that, but what my counselor keeps reminding me is that I have to take control of my own life and don't worry about my husband or what he thinks. Prayers for you!!!

You have all been so helpful and inspiring....a very heartfelt thank you to everyone.

Day 28 was lie free....trudging forward through day 29.

Thanks for you comments a few pages back John, Heather, et. al.

Congrats on 30 days, Logan.

I'm having small victories every day and that feels pretty good. This message board has been a big help. Knowing that I'm not struggling alone and having some people to talk to at the end of the day is a good thing for me. Thanks!

So I've also noticed that when I decide in advance to be honest, I'm less likely to do something that I would be tempted to lie about. For example, yesterday I was on my own for dinner and I wanted to go get an expensive meal at this restaurant I like. I knew my wife would get upset about if she found out. So rather than put myself in a position in which I would be tempted to lie, I just got something a little cheaper (and probable a little more financial responsible anyway). Haha.

Peace everyone.

Lots of gratitude to thoughtful post. Day 50 of checking in! Focus on you and all around you will ultimately come into alignment. And be kind to yourself.