alantm
Status: just lost ...looked a lot..and no paths ..im lost
Mood:
Bad
Offline
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off to germany tomorrow ive been illdont want to gobut have to go this will be a hard time lots of new view points on life right now not many of them are good lots of bad dreams
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bad time i am ill goint to germany this week i feel un loved deserted work is bad new direction is lost its all very very bad right now
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having social problems had a few performing jobs at partysand clubs im feeling very very out of place .i feel im not part of scocity i cant cope with things like they all do .i just feel worse and...
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abuse group i joind because i got some spam saying that someone loved me the thought came to me vunaerable and how bad this would have hit me before how vunerble i was this stuff should not be...
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cut my drinking back by 50% i felt better for it ..back drinking tonight and i feel im more in contact with how i realy feel in side i am alone ,ive never managed to get away from that i...
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just had a dream where i was trying to be part of a show and a fat guy who seemed to be the boss was very abusive to everyone he started to pick on me verbal abuse at a distencethe he got closer...
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im upset right now .ive worn myself out over the last few daysevey thing that made up my life has fallen away i have nothing ,i even see young couples togetherand i feel so old and i never even had a...
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dreamt i was in the past i was out by myself looking at an old show the woman next to me said are you here by yourselfi said i am always alone after i realised it was a friend i knew who killed her...
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today was the last day of going to hospitalthey said they will keep me on the books for 2 weeks incase i want to go back its up to me to fix things now .it always is reallyso today i feel its the...
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very drunk right now its an alterd state the person how i called my girlfriend is so far gone its a joke when we do talk its like a joke making sure we dont say anything to close i talk to friend...
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still having a hard time im very snappy right now because im upest really i feel i am out of control with my lifeand i see things passing and i know life is short its sort of the death thing...
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the point that has brought me back here is this i was told that i will have to go and work in germany but now im told finaly where it is ive been very ill in the past with a death fear .it set me...
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i dont type here much now not to say that i fell less confused i have just become more intrenal
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things are un clear im at an age where things should be stetled but they are notim in a jobbut its not paying i have some savings not alot and right now i am spending a lot of it towards a new job...
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going though a strange time i dont think i have anything to say .im very isolated and keep things inside and i am also very lonley
dd