kayrl
Status: going to bed...to tired to think.
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Ok
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- my brother who abused me is in the national guard and is comeing home tomorrow! idk what to do i dont' want to be here when he come's home. i want to stay at a friend's house but idk who's and idk if my mom will let me and i dont' really care if she...
- well i talked with my abuser a lil. i asked him if he ever told me not to tell anyone and if we ever had like intercorse of any type and we wrote back and siad he did tell me not to tell anyone but did not have intercorse. i'm glad he said that he...
- so i dont' like sleep. i get to bed really late and wake up pretty early. i don't usually get to bed till after 12, and i wake up anywhere from like 8-10. but i usually lay there forever tossing and turning. i just keep seeing his face i keep seeing...
- it was my fault, it had to of been. i wanted it, i wasn't scared of him. i can't believe i'm saying this but it's been bugging me and i can't stand people telling me it's not my fault. but when people say it wasnt my fault i just keep picturing this...
- i hate everything i am, i hate it all, i hate what happended to me i hate that i blame myself. why can't it all just go away. why can't i love myself
- some day's are really bad and the flashback's just keep coming and idk what to do about them. i' ve tryed to listen to music, or go on a walk or run, to shoot some hoop's color. i've tryed alot but when i get them they stay for a long time till i...
- i regret alot of the time that i ever told. somtime's i alway's think what it would be like if i never told anyone. do you guy's feel that way to or ever tryed to imagined it? i think deep down i'm glad i told but i just feel that i ruined my family...
- the dhs had to come to my house today (long story but it's in my jounral if you want to read it) and i talked with him for a while and we started to talk a lil about cutting. well i told him i did, and i told him where i cut also and when the last...
- ok so i told my conselor that my other brother (luke)had praticipated in it as well and well she had to call dhs to make sure that it was reported because i coudn't really remeber if i had told or not about the other brother. so the dhs worker came...
- i feel so horrible. how come i have so much of the pain and idk if he has any. why do the victoms alway's feel so shitty and take longer to heal then the perpitrator? i hate that. why should have to be carring around all this pain and guilt? i hate...
- i really feel like cutting right now. i just feel so depressed and i havent done it in a while that i just want to. idk what to do. i know i shouldn't but i want to i want to so bad. please help me
- ok so i've been to counseling twice now. it's been good, but i hate it. we talk about the abuse and i guess that's a good thing cuz i need to heal from it but i hate it. i hate talking about it. i just want to die everytime we start talking. i want...
- how do you deal with your abuser coming home? my abuser is my brother, he is over in iraq surving for the national guard. he will be home in august. i don't know what to do. before seeing him was ok i guess i didn't like it but i was able to deal...
- when i told about the abuse it was pushed under the rug and never talked about again. about a month and a half ago i sent my dad a letter telling him i needed his support. we went out to eat and talked a lil about the letter. one thing he said to me...
- i'm not sure if you guy's have ever done this. i know i havent and so i just thought i'd put it out on there for you guy's. it's a really good idea and i hope you guy's try this.get a large piece of paper and some coloured pencils or pens, in the...