Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
it was my fault, it had to of been. i wanted it, i wasn't scared of him. i can't believe i'm saying this but it's been bugging me and i can't stand people telling me it's not my fault. but when people say it wasnt my fault i just keep picturing this one event in my head over and over and i think this is why i just can't believe that it wasn't my fault aside from wanting it and such but i think alot of peopel that were abused feel taht way just cuz or hormone's and being use to it. but anywyay's this flash back that i keep having that wont let me believe it wasn't my fault is that one day i think after school or something my brother was sitting on the couch watching tv and i wanted it to happen and so i decided to go up stair's and at the top and i pulled down my pant's and wanted him to follow me but thankfully he didn't see me and i just went up stairt's and i was disipointed. ok so now tell me that it isn't my fault, after reading that. it is. i am to balme so everyone stop telling me i'm not. cuz i am. sorry if this didn't make sence or if spet thing's wrong, i couldn't look at the page while i wrote that out. it still to this day bother's me and i have not told anyone about that falsh back. please dont' hate me.
when a child's has been molested, their need for love and acceptance can get confusingly wrapped up with sexuality. after being abused, esp. if that is the only time affection or closeness is ever offered, when they want to pull someone toward them, they do what they've been taught...it can look like "fault" in the memory of an abuse survivor, but that is a judgment made on a moment without looking at what might cause a little one to do something like that.
also, if the only affection or connection available to you was through that kind of behavior, your natural longing for love (not abuse, not sexual touch) would lead you to find a way to bring connection to you. my guess is that if this brother would have played a board game, or pushed you on a swing, or taken you for ice-cream you would have wanted that instead. in a dessert, we drink the water available. if healthy connection wasn't there...this might have seemed an oasis--doesn't mean you wanted to be abused, doesn't make it your fault. there's nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, liked, or wanted...but there is something extremely wrong with twisting that innocent desire and using it to abuse--that's what happened to you, and that is why, even though you remember what you told here, it is really, truly, not your fault.
I always tried to find acceptance anywhere I could get it, even through people who treated me like absolute garbage, and usually those men had a lot of qualities my father had: emotionally unavailable, verbally abusive, selfish, not having the slightest idea that I had the same needs of all kinds, feelings and worth as anyone else.
The mind is so vast, a trauma can cause so many different levels of damage, especially self-blame.