Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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abuser coming home

kayrl
kayrl
how do you deal with your abuser coming home? my abuser is my brother, he is over in iraq surving for the national guard. he will be home in august. i don't know what to do. before seeing him was ok i guess i didn't like it but i was able to deal with it but that's before i started counseling and now all the feeling's and everything is coming up and i can't even look at his pic withought feeling this rage of anger and everyhting. what do i do?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, that's a tough one. I wish I had an answer. I know what you mean, about how before you deal with it, somehow it doesn't seem all that hard. But when the feelings start to say- you will deal with me now, I won't be put off any longer, suddenly it becomes impossible. I was lucky in that I didn't deal with my stuff until I was 43, so I was out of the house and didn't have to deal with still living with the person who hurt and betrayed me. I'm so sorry, I really can't think of any advice. I do know for me it was really important to have physical and emotional distance before I could really deal with the abuse. Are there any other optins for you in terms of living arrangements? Friend, relative? That's the only solution I can think of, because I think being in the same house as your brother is going to be painful and will really mess with your head. Good Luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
thats a hard one. i ran away from my abuser when i was 16. i don't recomened it. it only open whole other can of worms and i was raped while i lived on the streets. let your family know how you feel and see if they can help you come up with a way to deal with it. also maybe ask your theripist. if neither one will help you i would take control and tell the family when hes around i don't want to be around. though that might be hard if hes moving back in with you guys. please tell me hes not. GOOD LUCK AND LOTS OF HUGS!!!!!
kayrl
kayrl
he came home for christmas and it was hard but i was able to deal with him there because i hadn't really started the process of healing so i just pretented nothing really happend and i just wasnt around him and idk. but now i'm dealing with it and healing and now all these feeling's are comeing up and i cant deal with them and i can't deal with him being here. yes he is coming to live here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Have you ever confronted him? Do you feel like confronting him?
It's hard, but you need to try and show him you are in control of yourself, and you're empowered.
Don't let him get an inch of control over you, or let him make you feel powerless.
Don't give him your power.
That's what my therapist told me today...something like that. But,I don't have to deal with my abuser, my step-dad, hardly at all.
I've ignored him thus far. But, don't know what to do next time I see him, b/c since I saw him last I was diagnosed with PTSD and my depression for the last 3 years has been PTSD, triggered by me seeing him for the 1st time in like 14 years.

I could almost see myself getting irritable when the abuser was around...but I don't think that's all empowering either b/c it's disrupting my mental health at the same time.

Maybe set some boundaries with him, about what's ok/not ok to do...no hugs, no coming to your room, etc.

Lots of hugs!