FM0528

I never knew you could miss someone so much. I don't even know if I can describe the pain. My heart, body, and mind ache. It's a pain that I can not describe, it's unlike anything I've ever felt....

Suddenly it hit me today the realization of what happened over the past five years. For the first probably 2-2 1/2 years I knew that Brad struggled with back pain and took pain medication. But in the...

It is so hard to look at facebook these days. Most of the people I am friends with on there are people I went to school with. While the majority of them are getting married or having babies, I'm...

I got a call from Brad's brother tonight. They called about the death certificate even though they said it could be another 30-60 days it will be ready to be picked up on Monday. Which means we now...

For the past week I've been waking up at 3am everyday. At first I thought it was because I was going to bed earlier, at 8:15 one night and 9:00 other nights, because I wanted to get up a little...

I can feel myself slipping deeper into this depression. I was ok for a little while, but the past couple weeks have just been even harder than before and it's not easing up. I am so miserable. The...

Its been a long time since I was on here. I've just been trying to keep busy. And honestly there really isn't much new to say. Its still awful. I don't cry as much, but I still do almost every day at...

The past few days have been tough. Really really tough. I have cried for hours. This isn't fair. A 34 year old man should not have a heart attack and die. A 27 year old woman should not be, for lack...

Since Brad passed I have noticed a rise in my anxiety level, but especially here this last week. When he was here I always felt so safe and secure. He would do anything to protect me and the kids,...

Well I finally went and got the ring I wanted today. It is exactly what I wanted, very simple. The girl in the jewelry store was so sweet. They weren't going to be able to size it down small enough...

After running into my stepdaughter today she started texting me. Now anyone that knows me knows that it is very hard for me to ignore a text, I just find it rude and I don't like being rude,...

Today has been less than fun to say the least. I've felt on edge all day. Could be a number of things. 1. My driveway was still ice this morning and I couldn't go anywhere until noon 2. Since I've...

Towards the end of Brad's life he spent a lot of time in our bedroom. With his health declining he was really tired and uncomfortable, so the most comfortable place for him was in our room. He also...

Last night, well early this morning, I had my first really vivid dream. It was just Brad and I in a room, not really one I recognized. But I said "I Love you" and he said "I Love you, too" to which I...

Today was not as bad as I had expected it to be. I can go two or three days and be ok but then i'll have a really bad day. I guess i'm still on my ok days streak. This morning didn't look so...