For the past week I've been waking up at 3am everyday. At first I thought it was because I was going to bed earlier, at 8:15 one night and 9:00 other nights, because I wanted to get up a little earlier so I wasn't rushed in the morning. Well last night I didn't go to bed until after 10 and still at 3am I was wide awake. I read something that said when your depressed or stressed it can cause you to wake up early in the morning. Which makes complete sense considering everything going on. Especially today. My mom was suppose to be moving to South Carolina today, but she had to make an emergency trip to go see her best friend (my Godmother) who is currently in the hospital. She is on life support and when I talked to her last night it wasn't looking like she was going to pull through. It just seems like we can't catch a break. Although I am kind of torn about it. She has been fighting diabetes her whole life, not the kind that is caused by weight, and the past probably 10 years or more have been really tough. Especially the past couple. So I feel like she's tired and that she could finally be at peace. She had congestive heart failure the night before last and coded, thats how she ended up on life support. My mom said last night that they weren't seeing much brain activity. I just feel like I don't want them to put her through all this anymore, at this point if she does pull through things are going to be so much harder on her and I don't think anyone wants that. It's just really tough. I use to not get the whole thinking the best thing was to let them go, I just wanted everyone to live forever regardless of what pain they were in which was very selfish. Now I kind of get it. Brad had been miserable for years. He had gotten to the point where he couldn't work anymore and simple things were almost impossible for him to do. And we weren't finding any answers so he was only getting worse. He had told me for a year or more that he was just ready to go, that he was tired of being in pain. So it does make me feel better knowing that he is not in pain anymore. I just wish I could have taken his pain away while he was here. I know I never could have,but thats what I did, took care of him. I wanted to make everything better. And you know thinking about it now, I guess I did. He needed me the past few years to take care of him. I guess I made his last years a little bit easier, he use to tell me that anyways. I was kind of a pain in the ass though, but he stuck with me. :) I miss him so much. Waking up at 3am wouldn't be so bad if he was still here.