The Cause

I got a call from Brad's brother tonight. They called about the death certificate even though they said it could be another 30-60 days it will be ready to be picked up on Monday. Which means we now know the official cause of death. As it turns out his heart attack was not caused by an unknown heart problem. It was an accidental overdose. It makes sense, he was in a lot of pain that day, more so than usual and he apparently took an extra painkiller because of it and with the amount he was already being prescribed it was just enough to cause a fatal overdose. 
I honestly didn't think that would be the cause. When he told me I just wanted to throw up. He was trying to stop taking them. As a matter of fact that day his doctor had just prescribed him a non-narcotic, but he never got to take it. That's what I was picking up at the pharmacy. I don't know how I'm feeling right now. It doesn't change anything, but it feels different. It does make it easier knowing that he didn't do it on purpose. But it's still upsetting. I was just going to fill our prescriptions and when I got home I was going to go lay down with him like he had asked me to do earlier, we were going to look into trying to buy a house down the street. We finally had his daughter full time, and my son was doing really well in school and with his behavior for the first time in years. We had a life, we had a family, we were trying to have another baby. We were going to raise our kids here and later build a house in the mountains. We had plans, good plans, and now all of that is gone. I'll be moving away from the town we live in over the summer so that I will be closer to my office and be able to put my son in a school that is close too so that I'm able to spend more time with him and less time driving to and from work. Life is just so messed up.