Seeing the past in a different light

Suddenly it hit me today the realization of what happened over the past five years. For the first probably 2-2 1/2 years I knew that Brad struggled with back pain and took pain medication. But in the beginning I either didn't notice it or he wasn't taking it all the time. Then some really messed up things happened to him and became pretty depressed, and around that time his pain intensified. Over the next 2 1/2 years his pain kept getting worse, which in turn increased the amount of the pain medication he was taking. He did try various other medication but they either didn't work or had unbearable side effects. At the same time new issues were arising. We spent countless hours researching trying to figure out what was wrong with him. We desperately wanted to figure it out so we could find a solution and he wouldn't be in so much pain. He was miserable. Sometime last year I started thinking maybe it's the medication and started trying to get him to understand what I was thinking. During a particularly bad time last fall I spoke with one of his brother's, both agreeing that it was the medication and that he needed to get off of it. I tried to find a place that would take him, but he had no insurance and we barely had enough money to survive on let alone pay thousands of dollars for rehab. My attempts were unsuccessful. But at the end of that week as things started getting better he was realizing what we already knew. For the first time he recognized that he was addicted to the pain meds and he wanted to be off of them. We were in the process of finding him a better doctor who would listen to him and help. On our own we began lowering his dose little bits at a time. But, in my opinion, all the years of being on this medication took it's toll on his body and on that day it just couldn't take it anymore. 
Now I'm looking back and seeing all the things I either was too naive to see or didn't want to. I was his enabler. I took care of him, I was there for him through everything! I guess right now I feel stupid for not seeing it earlier. I know I'm not suppose to play the "what if" game, but if I had noticed it earlier and pushed for him to get off of them then maybe he'd still be here. Love truly is blind. I loved him more than anything, I would do anything for him. I did things nobody other than him could get me to do. He married a 19 year old hooters waitress and I still loved him enough to forgive him for that. I realize now that I was that girl that everyone talked about, the one who couldn't see what everyone else could. I am so confused and angry and devastated.