ugh

Today has been less than fun to say the least. I've felt on edge all day. Could be a number of things. 1. My driveway was still ice this morning and I couldn't go anywhere until noon 2. Since I've been snowed/iced in since tuesday I ran out of medication and have not been on it in several days 3. had to get the tags on my car renewed.... Went to the tag office stood in line for 30 minutes only to realize crap i didn't get my emissions done. The lady from the tag office tells me there is a place just down the road. So I get to the emissions place where they tell me no you don't need one, your car is too new.... So then I go back to tag office and finally get through the line after thinking they were going to close on me. But before that I was in the grocery store where I ran into my stepdaughter with her nanny. Bitter sweet. I was very happy to see her, but it really sucks feeling like i'm doing something wrong by saying hi to my stepdaughter. Or that she's going to get in trouble. It just really really sucks. She still wants to come stay with me. I just don't understand why her mom has to be such a bitch. She's destroying that little girl and it's killing me. I was going to the cemetery but it's getting too late now and i'm so much on edge i don't know how stable I would be going up there. I haven't felt like this in a while. I've battled some emotional issues for a while, but didn't really acknowledge them or seek help for them until may of last year. And here recently I've been pretty under control. It's probably how i've been able to deal with Brad's passing so well. But that was the longest I have gone without my medication. And even though I've picked it up and have taken what I needed to, I still feel out of whack. I just feel out of control. I don't know how to describe it other than that. My heart races and I just feel all jittery. Its also the reason why i've spent so much time in bed the past few days, I didn't realize how much my antidepressant was helping until I ran out. Its crazy the way things happen. If Brad hadn't have helped me through this past year and hadn't been so supportive of me and dealing with my issues, then I would still be a complete basket case and I can guarantee I would still not be functioning now, 6 weeks later. Wow I just realized it's been six weeks......