Pain

I never knew you could miss someone so much. I don't even know if I can describe the pain. My heart, body, and mind ache. It's a pain that I can not describe, it's unlike anything I've ever felt. It's even hard to breath. I feel like the air around me is a weight, that everything is caving in on me. So many times today I have caught myself just sitting staring into nothing, completely frozen and I have no idea how long I've been doing it. I'm pretty sure I had a panic attack at work this morning. Being around people is so hard. I don't want to see or talk to anyone. I want to sleep. I just want to curl up in bed and not get out until i'm ready, even if that's days or weeks or months. Everything is so hard, physically and mentally. I don't feel like myself at all anymore. I don't know who this person is. I just want my life back, I want my family back, the love of my life back, my stepdaughter back. No one could ever begin to prepare someone for this pain.