I can feel myself slipping deeper into this depression. I was ok for a little while, but the past couple weeks have just been even harder than before and it's not easing up. I am so miserable. The world is a completely different place now and I can't seem to cope with it. I am merely making it through each day because I have to, not because I want to. I can usually get through the day and act like everything is ok. But as soon as I get home and get my son in bed i don't have to anymore. It's exhausting. I use to be the kind of person who loved to go shopping and go to festivals and stuff like that. Big crowds of people never really bothered me. Now it's difficult to get through a store without being completely overwhelmed. I just look around everything seems so different, I can tell there is something missing. I am having a hard time looking at his pictures, almost hyperventilating when I do. I get so irritated looking at facebook with everyone getting married and having babies. I'll never be there, I'll never get that. We had worked through so much in our past and had so much ahead of us. It isn't fair. This is not the life I wanted or planned. And we worked really really hard to get to where we were, only to have it be jerked out from under me?  Whats the point in working hard for anything if its just going to be taken away from you? I hurt all the time, i hold back tears almost every second of the day, and I am constantly screaming inside. Im so angry and sad and miserable all the time. It's even making me physically sick. I shouldn't be going through this, I am too young to be dealing with this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.