Today

Today was not as bad as I had expected it to be. I can go two or three days and be ok but then i'll have a really bad day. I guess i'm still on my ok days streak. This morning didn't look so promising. I usually don't get upset about anything until after I've dropped my son off at school and head to work. I guess it's because I'm so busy trying to get us ready and out the door. But once i'm in the car I have nothing but time to think. So this morning I'm trying to stay positive and not get upset. But I change the radio station and the first song that is on is the first song that we associated with our relationship. There are quite a few but this was the first one, Lady Antebellum 'Need You Now'. It was hard to keep it together at that point. Because that's exactly what I was thinking, how much I miss him and need him right now.  But i was able to regain my composure and only have a few moments today. I did realize, at least for today, that I seem to be getting use to him not being here. But its a different kind of getting use to something. I may be getting use to it, but I still don't like it. 
The other thing that got me tonight was talking to my dad. I forgot how much Brad reminded me of my dad, so now it was my dad reminding me of Brad. Not only that but my dad spent time in the hospital for hypertension in December. So now he's had to change his diet and is suppose to be walking for exercise, except he tells me he hasn't been walking yet. And how he's not thrilled about having to change his diet. It just worries me so much. I mean here my boyfriend has just died from a heart attack, which we didn't even have the chance to try to prevent and now my dad is aware of the problem and isn't doing everything he needs to do to prevent the same from happening to him. Maybe I'm just overreacting. I'm just so afraid of loosing someone else, I don't think I could handle another loss right now or anytime soon for that matter.