ll2live
Status: The wound is the place where the Light enters you. Rumi
Mood:
Ok
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- The part of my family that I traditionally spend Thanksgiving with is a big trigger for me. My father mainly. When I'm around him, it brings up so many bad feelings. He's very judgmental and disapproving of me in a general sense. It makes me feel...
- Today, I was watching Rehab with Dr. Drew. This was the first season that I watched this show. I liked it. Dr. Drew was talking with one of the patients and he said "shame is an intolerable emotion".... meaning it could chase him back to the drugs...
- This is something that I wrote at a very dark time in my life. When I was looking for something to share here, I found this. It's dark, but it was what I felt when I was in the throes of my addiction. I've haven't read much about the sorrows that...
- I think I've gotten to a point in my life where I learn from conflict instead of running from it. I am still too sensitive to what others think of me though when I should be relying more on what I think of myself. I guess I hated myself for so long...
- The Five Stages of Grief, includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.I think that since gambling was such a comfort for me, I definitely grieve over losing it. Because I spent so many hours doing it, it was a major part of my...
- What do you do when you're a ways down the road of recovering and life still just feels crappy. I can't seem to get out of the funk is what I mean. I have a multitude of guilt, a multitude of bills and even more regret. When I used to yoyo diet, I...
- Theres this one casino, about 15 minutes from my house. I used to make that trip at least 3 times a week. I had 2 bank accounts at different banks. I get paid on Friday, so I would always write myself a hot check into one account on Thursday and go...
- I'm sitting here, deep in thought about work, and out of the blue "i should go to the Casino" pops into my head. I haven't been thinking about it, nothing triggered the thought..... It's maddening. I have these random thoughts throughout the day....
- I just wanted to say that I'm here this week. I've got a list of things that I'm going to do every day to help me turn away from gambling and I am committed to doing them. I figured out that I need something to do, a to do list of sorts, in order to...
- I've been reading Freedom From Addiction By Deepak Chopra and something really struck a cord with me... I wanted to share it here."When you are lost, the first step is to determine, as best you can , where you are. You may be unhappy and...
- Keep fighting. Don't give up. Don't go back. What you were doing before, to stay away from gambling, was not enough. Learn from that. Take the initiative to do more.... cut out something that wasn't working. Ask others what works for them. Get some...
- For today, let's all put on our big girl/boy pants and do the work that we KNOW we need to do to keep ourselves from gambling. The hoping, wishing, finger-crossing is just wasted energy. There is work to be done and I bet we all know what that work...
- I met with the freaking bankruptcy attorney. I did it. One of my worst nightmares is over. Yesterday was a day that has been coming for years, a day I have dreaded and avoided and pretended wouldn't happen. I haven't slept well for a week and I...
- I hit a nerve last week in therapy and it's been with me all week. I've been crying on and off and just generally feel unstable - mood wise. On top of that I have been preparing for my first appointment with the bankruptcy attorney tomorrow...
- I am in the fourth month of recovery. I've made great strides in getting out from underneath the crushing weight of gambling my life away. But I'm really struggling this week. I can feel myself ramping up to gamble. It's like this pressure is...