Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
The Five Stages of Grief, includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
I think that since gambling was such a comfort for me, I definitely grieve over losing it. Because I spent so many hours doing it, it was a major part of my life. It was a place of respite for my mind. I had no worries when I was inside that building. It was my sole form of entertainment and social outlet. Of course I grieved it's loss even though it tormented me in the end.
1. Denial - I lived here for many years and then even in the beginning of recovery. I denied how big of a problem it was. I denied that I had the ability to overcome it. I denied just how much I was going to have to surrender to recover.
2. Anger - I went through being seriously pissed at myself and the casinos and at life in general.
3. Bargaining - For me, also known as "maybe you can go again sometimes when you are recovered" or "i'll just go once more and then never again"
4. Depression - when I finally realized this was my life and gambling could not be a part of it... it made me very sad. I felt lost without it. How do I make back the money I lost? How do I have fun? How do I "get away from it all"?
5. Acceptance - I am an addict. I can never gamble again. I am not perfect and that is okay. My life is good enough and I can make it better.
Some people say it is important to go through all of the stages when grieving in order to let it go.
I still find myself at different places on this spectrum but for now I'm kind of between steps 4 and 5. I'm looking forward to living fully in step 5. Have y'all gone through these stages? Can you see yourself at in point in this process today? Do you grieve over the loss of gambling?
I think that since gambling was such a comfort for me, I definitely grieve over losing it. Because I spent so many hours doing it, it was a major part of my life. It was a place of respite for my mind. I had no worries when I was inside that building. It was my sole form of entertainment and social outlet. Of course I grieved it's loss even though it tormented me in the end.
1. Denial - I lived here for many years and then even in the beginning of recovery. I denied how big of a problem it was. I denied that I had the ability to overcome it. I denied just how much I was going to have to surrender to recover.
2. Anger - I went through being seriously pissed at myself and the casinos and at life in general.
3. Bargaining - For me, also known as "maybe you can go again sometimes when you are recovered" or "i'll just go once more and then never again"
4. Depression - when I finally realized this was my life and gambling could not be a part of it... it made me very sad. I felt lost without it. How do I make back the money I lost? How do I have fun? How do I "get away from it all"?
5. Acceptance - I am an addict. I can never gamble again. I am not perfect and that is okay. My life is good enough and I can make it better.
Some people say it is important to go through all of the stages when grieving in order to let it go.
I still find myself at different places on this spectrum but for now I'm kind of between steps 4 and 5. I'm looking forward to living fully in step 5. Have y'all gone through these stages? Can you see yourself at in point in this process today? Do you grieve over the loss of gambling?
Hello, Happiness, wheee down spiral for another gambling spin right next day....
I have to admit, I was Really seriously grieving my Money. Yes!
3 years ago I realized that and even wanted to go to grieving groups, but then thought how insulting it would be to people who are there for the reason of Real Loss of a Loved One. And if they ask me, why you are here.. what do I say? Remember all my past away relatives? But I cannot lie like this. So, my grief was stuck with me or I would say I was stuck with my grief.
Denial phase was for around 9 years, until last year.
Anger was kind of mixed with it on and off.
Bargaining, Oh Yeah. Especially with the help of my co-dependent husband.
Depression was the hard one. I am afraid to get depressed, because of my past - if I go into real depression, it is very hard for me to come out and may lead to suicide or hospitalization. But I did go through the depression phase and came out of it Alive. I am past it now.
Acceptance - where I am right now.
Today was first time- I was getting ready for work today, and caught myself on a thought: "Today is my payday!" I even forgot it!
I forgot about my payday! No anxiety what so ever! I started digging deeper, searching if there any piece of gambling urge hidden somewhere inside.... Nope, not there..., but told myself- Vicky, why you are doing this?! Why are you calling this dark froces in? I immideately stopped and switched my thought process, but was a little dissapointed in myself.. Only for a minute though. Only for a minute.
Well, today is a good day.
And I want to Thank You so much for your post, LL2Life!
Your friend, V.
Thanks for the post 2live, it has helped me today.
2. Anger -I was so angry at myself. That i am incapable of moderation. I still go through this. I could go into a mood where I am like..Oh, well, by the time I give up everything I should that I let have reign, I might as well be dead. [Blow the horns for that pity party]. I know there is good, no, GREAT quality of life to be had without drinking,smoking, gambling, overeating and whatever else have you. But you do tend to feel sorry for yourself. Like WTF, I have to give up everything? You know I am just being completely honest, and I only feel like this about 5 % of the time. But it can be very strong. It is like that joke about I gave up sex, drinking, and smoking...boy, were those the toughest 5 minutes I ever had.
3. Bargaining. Not sure where I stand here. I would say my bargaining was with God. The only thing I know is, it is a non-negotiable addiction.
4. Depression -I hate to really use this word. What I consider depression, I'm sure, doesn't hold a candle to real clinical depression. I do know I have felt like Kathy Bates in that scene in Misery. [Not THAT one] When she comes into James Caan's room. And he is like "What's the matter?" and she says "Sometimes I just get a case of the blues.". Yeah, that's how I feel. I certainly feel the loss. It was a big part of my life for over 5 years. So, even though, it turned out to be my worst enemy, at one point we were buds. So, yeah, I want to go. I know I can't.
Acceptance. -I thoroughly and completely accept the fact that I am a stone-cold addict. I have known it for a long time. The choosing to do something about it is relatively new. I could not continue down that road without wanting to die. I think sometimes people think you are being melodramatic if you say this disease is a killer. In actuality though, it definitely is. I saw the statistic that suicide has now overtaken car accidents as the number one cause of death in the United States, and my immediate thought was "I wonder how many of those were compulsive gamblers". People think that because you are not putting a foreign substance into your body it is less harmful. I was thinking about the constant stress of when I was gambling. The constant worry and fear. God, it is scary to think of that. And still there was a driving compulsion to return. Other people cannot understand. They just don't get it.
So I am in acceptance, and though I have been abstinent for a few months now. I have to tell you, I am still scared. That is why this forum and GA are of so much value to me. I thank God y'all are here. ~atticus
I have definitely gone through all these stages myself...and am reminded of this passage that is oh-so-true and oh-so-revered from the Big Book of AA:
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I can accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes." ~ p449 or p417
I am going to really think about this heavy this weekend and see what I come up with. Thank you so much for such and insightful post.
The one thing that I am glad about is that I am NOT in the DENIAL phase of it anymore. That is the one that almost did me in!
This time it is not about money..
It is about my lost self-esteem, self-accountability, self-trust, self-will, ability to plan ahead and believe in its smooth outcome, my lost Ambition, my drive for success and to more achivements, lost energy, time, opportunities.
This time I know for sure, going back to Casino would NOT return those lost qualities to me. And feeling all of that, actually bring me an emotion, but it is Pain. And it is hurts soooo much, I just want to cry all the way through. And I don't know what to do.
Honestly, I can not even identify which phase I am in right now. The only thing I know - it is not a Denial. I didn't know, it will be so hard to feel emotions again. And it hurts me..
What you are feeling right now is okay. Cry if you need to. Let it out. Feel the pain and know that at least you are feeling something and that you are living your life. No feeling is final.... this will work it's way through and you will feel better again. Take extra good care of yourself during this stage. Take naps, baths, paint your fingernails, watch happy TV shows...... whatever it is that you find comfort in.
If that all sounds too hard, feed yourself 3 meals a day and get some good rest. Self-care is very important during times of pain and sorrow.
I've been where you are at. People just wanted to say to me "chin up" "look at the positives" "be grateful for what you do have" but that is not what I needed to do. I need to walk through the grief and then out of it. You can do this Vicky and I'm very proud of you for choosing to fight hard for your life. You are worth it.
xoxo
I have 3 nailpolish bottles, but didn't use any since end of September...
I am at work and Thanks God!, its weekends, because I am no fun at all, since yesterday. Even reading your reply, which I really apreciated for - I started to cry again.. I was thinking and analyzing, maybe its just a pitty party I am feeling. But after searching, I met - it is the same feelings I felt when I was griefing my lost money. And this time it is something more.