ll2live
Status: The wound is the place where the Light enters you. Rumi
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- Im moving this weekend. Its a new beginning again. Just around 3 years ago, I was near death. I was actually planning my suicide so that it would look like an accident so that my family could collect life insurance to help pay off all of the debt I...
- I have some personal thoughts on addiction that I dont see represented very often in the recovery world. I know that each of us have to find our own way out of this black pit we found ourselves in. I certainly dont judge anyones method of recovery,...
- Im not usually overly dramatic about the death of a person I didnt personally know. Sometimes, I get irritated by all of the hype the death of a celebrity brings. I feel that every death is just as final, that celebrities dying shouldnt be sadder...
- The quote on my profile says: The wound is the place where the Light enters you (Rumi). After 2 years of real recovery, I can see how true this is. I was broken to pieces, and very close to dying. I was hopeless. My thinking was so demented, I...
- When I was gambling, I felt such self-hatred. I literally couldn't stand to look myself in the mirror. I lost my self. I didn't know who I was. I felt like a stranger had inhabited my body. Every good thing I used to think about myself was gone....
- Its been about 20 months since I really took the steps that I needed to stop gambling. I had tried 100 times before but never succeeded. The difference in those 100 times and this last time is that I reached out for help instead of trying to do it...
- My mom has been practically begging me to go to the casino with her lately. She alternates that with asking me to support her when she's trying to stop. It baffles me because I think she cares about my well being - but doing this just contradicts...
- I got this off of DS on 11-30-2012. It was posted by Atticus.Typically, the escape gambler becomes enthralled with playing the slot, video poker, live keno or keno machine. It is exciting, it is fun, it does not talk back, it requires her full...
- There is an article that I found on facebook titled Seven Questions you are too afraid to ask yourself. I think it's an excellent article and I want to sit down with each question and write out an answer. Here are the first 3. If you want to read...
- I've been in recovery for over a year now. Part of trying to stay in recovery, for me, is reading over journals and stuff that I wrote throughout this process. It helps me to stay away from romanticizing my relationship with gambling somehow. There...
- I found what I think is a really good article on the concept of surrendering as a part of recovery. I remember the point that I surrendered to my gambling addiction. It was a terrifying and liberating feeling all at once. I've found it difficult to...
- If the desire to quit was all we needed, we'd all be free of this monster. I remember wanting to quit so bad that I was trying to make bargains with the universe. I would have given up almost anything in trade for the ability to quit. I remember...
- I heard something yesterday that made me stop and think. It was the words of a murdered man, read by his sister as part of her victim's impact statement. He was a motivational speaker and was writing a book. He had written:When there is a rocky path...
- Do you ever feel like that because of your addiction you will just take anything anyone gives you?I know that when I was deep into my addiction, I felt that I had no right to ask anyone to treat me right. I had such low self-esteem and generally...
- This is something I wrote in the beginning of my recovery. It's not written very well but I think it portrays my state of mind pretty well. I had been trying to quit. I had reached out for help. I had strung a few days together but still hadn't...