Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I hit a nerve last week in therapy and it's been with me all week. I've been crying on and off and just generally feel unstable - mood wise. On top of that I have been preparing for my first appointment with the bankruptcy attorney tomorrow afternoon. On one hand I'm sick over it, having to face it all. On the other hand, I'm just ready to get it behind me, to no longer have to worry about what might happen and at least only worry about what is going to happen. The unknown is much scarier than the known right?
Honestly, I have been humbled enough over the last few months that I'm not as terrified as I once was about sitting in front of a stranger and telling him all of my secrets (bills, mortgage, taxes I haven't paid for years even though I have an excellent job, addiction). No one but me knows the extent of the damage I have done at this point.
Thinking I had no way out was what used to keep me gambling. I planned on gambling until my mortgage company or the IRS finally caught up to me. Then I was going to kill myself. That was my plan.
But here I am today. Not going to kill myself. The IRS and my mortgage company have (for inexplicable reasons) not caught up to me yet and instead I'm going to be the first to act... and I'm not going to kill myself... or gamble.
I'm so grateful that I'm no longer in those days of living with my head stuck in the sand, waiting to die. I can do better. I do want to live. And I am willing to do whatever it takes to feel that way for always.
Thanks for letting me share this here.
Honestly, I have been humbled enough over the last few months that I'm not as terrified as I once was about sitting in front of a stranger and telling him all of my secrets (bills, mortgage, taxes I haven't paid for years even though I have an excellent job, addiction). No one but me knows the extent of the damage I have done at this point.
Thinking I had no way out was what used to keep me gambling. I planned on gambling until my mortgage company or the IRS finally caught up to me. Then I was going to kill myself. That was my plan.
But here I am today. Not going to kill myself. The IRS and my mortgage company have (for inexplicable reasons) not caught up to me yet and instead I'm going to be the first to act... and I'm not going to kill myself... or gamble.
I'm so grateful that I'm no longer in those days of living with my head stuck in the sand, waiting to die. I can do better. I do want to live. And I am willing to do whatever it takes to feel that way for always.
Thanks for letting me share this here.
Stay strong 2live, and lets continue living together.
One thing I vowed since then was to open each and every bill that came our way. Ignoring things is a huge stressor.
I sure wish I hadn't continued to gamble since the bk, but I have. The consequences have been predictable - this is indeed a progressive disease and robs us of everything good and decent in life.
Yet, each time I come back from the depths of hell after being at a casino, as I cry out to God and turn away from sin, He blesses me.
I can only continue to strive for a gamble free life and to seek Him, one day at a time.
Hang in there. It truly will get better. Just don't let your guard down once the huge financial pressure is gone and you think you've got some breathing room and extra cash to gamble with.
Our lives would be 100% better had I heeded this advice 2 years ago.
Paula