Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Im not usually overly dramatic about the death of a person I didnt personally know. Sometimes, I get irritated by all of the hype the death of a celebrity brings. I feel that every death is just as final, that celebrities dying shouldnt be sadder than the death of a neighbor or friend of a friend.
Robin Williamss death has left me shaken though. I feel a strange sense of uncertainty about my own life. Ive been close to suicide before. I remember wondering if the planning of it would just turn into the doing of it simply, like a light switch being flipped on or off. I remember being scared about that.
I remember, through tears, the all-encompassing pain of hopelessness what he must have felt yesterday morning. The memory of that kind of pain hangs around in my psyche, haunting me at times like this, whispering to me that could have been you. And I start to have doubts about whether Ill have the strength to fight it off if that hopelessness comes again. He didnt, and he seemed to have access to a lot of resources.
Ive decided that Ill let myself be sad today. But tonight, Im going to pick up my joy journal and add something to it. Maybe a picture from the past from a time before this insidious addiction took hold of my life. Then tomorrow, Ill add something else to it, something more recent. It will be a little harder to find, but I have had moments of joy while fighting for my life.
Today, I do believe that I can find peace here on earth. I believe that I can appreciate that peace more fully because of my struggles with addiction. I believe that no feeling is final, even hopelessness. I am more committed to finding ways to maintain these beliefs because of Robins death.
Robin Williamss death has left me shaken though. I feel a strange sense of uncertainty about my own life. Ive been close to suicide before. I remember wondering if the planning of it would just turn into the doing of it simply, like a light switch being flipped on or off. I remember being scared about that.
I remember, through tears, the all-encompassing pain of hopelessness what he must have felt yesterday morning. The memory of that kind of pain hangs around in my psyche, haunting me at times like this, whispering to me that could have been you. And I start to have doubts about whether Ill have the strength to fight it off if that hopelessness comes again. He didnt, and he seemed to have access to a lot of resources.
Ive decided that Ill let myself be sad today. But tonight, Im going to pick up my joy journal and add something to it. Maybe a picture from the past from a time before this insidious addiction took hold of my life. Then tomorrow, Ill add something else to it, something more recent. It will be a little harder to find, but I have had moments of joy while fighting for my life.
Today, I do believe that I can find peace here on earth. I believe that I can appreciate that peace more fully because of my struggles with addiction. I believe that no feeling is final, even hopelessness. I am more committed to finding ways to maintain these beliefs because of Robins death.
Robin Williams Last Gift
Robin and I were friends. Not intimate, because he was very shy when he was not performing. Still, I spent many birthdays and holidays at his home with Marsha and the children, and he showed up at my 70th birthday to say Hello and wound up mesmerizing my relatives with a fifteen minute set that pulverized the audience.
When I heard that he had died, I put my own sorrow aside for a later time. Im a Zen Buddhist priest and my vows instruct me to try to help others. So this little letter is meant in that spirit.
Normally when you are gifted with a huge talent of some kind, its like having a magnificent bicep. People will say, Wow, thats fantastic and they tell you, truthfully, that it can change your life, take you to unimaginable realms. It can and often does. The Zen perspective is a little different. We might say, Well, thats a great bicep, you dont have to do anything to it. Lets work at bringing the rest of your body up to that level.
Robins gift could be likened to fastest thoroughbred race-horse on earth. It had unbeatable endurance, nimbleness, and a huge heart. However, it had never been fully trained. Sometimes Robin would ride it like a kayaker tearing down white-water, skimming on the edge of control. We would marvel at his courage, his daring, and his brilliance. But at other times, the horse went where he wanted, and Robin could only hang on for dear life.
In the final analysis, what failed Robin was his greatest gift---his imagination. Clutching the horse he could no longer think of a single thing to do to change his life or make himself feel better, and he stepped off the edge of the saddle. Had the horse been trained, it might have reminded him that there is always something we can do. We can take a walk until the feeling passes. We can find someone else suffering and help them, taking the attention off our own. Or, finally, we can learn to muster our courage and simply sit still with what we are thinking are insoluble problems, becoming as intimate with them as we can, facing them until we get over our fear. They may even be insoluble, but that does not mean that there is nothing we can do.
Our great-hearted friend will be back as the rain, as the cry of a Raven as the wind. He, you and I have never for one moment not been a part of all it. But we would be doing his life and memory a dis-service if we did not extract some wisdom from his choice, which, if we ponder deeply enough, will turn out to be his last gift. He would beg us to pay attention if he could.
Hold on to the Peace within yourself.
Love to all,
Vika.
I didn't post this cause he ended his life I posted it cause something he said in an interview hit home with me and I am hoping that it hits with even one other recovering person here
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In July, Williams entered rehab for the second time, but not because of a relapse.
"After working back-to-back projects, Robin is simply taking the opportunity to fine-tune and focus on his continued commitment, of which he remains extremely proud," the actor's publicist said at the time.
Williams reportedly spent a few weeks at Hazelden Addiction Treatment Center in Minnesota.
The actor spoke publicly about his battle with substance abuse. In 2006, he sought treatment for alcoholism after 20 years of sobriety. A rep for the actor said in a statement that Robin "found himself drinking again and has decided to take proactive measures to deal with this for his own well-being and the well-being of his family."
During an interview with Good Morning America months later, Williams explained that falling back into alcohol abuse was "very gradual."
"It's the same voice thought that you're standing at a precipice and you look down, there's a voice and it's a little quiet voice that goes, 'Jump,'" Williams told Diane Sawyer. "The same voice that goes, 'Just one.' And the idea of just one for someone who has no tolerance for it, that's not the possibility."
When asked why he relapsed, Robin answered: "It's [addiction] not caused by anything, it's just there It waits. It lays in wait for the time when you think, 'It's fine now, I'm OK.' Then, the next thing you know, it's not OK. Then you realize, 'Where am I? I didn't realize I was in Cleveland.'" Or sitting in a casino gambling.
God Bless his Family. I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers
even though we have never met we share a common bond in that my Family and I lost our 26 year old son to suicide May 26th.
God Bless
Ken L GRCG