Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
This is something I wrote in the beginning of my recovery. It's not written very well but I think it portrays my state of mind pretty well. I had been trying to quit. I had reached out for help. I had strung a few days together but still hadn't figured out how to overcome the extreme urges I had to go. I was suicidal and had been seriously contemplating just giving up the fight. I thought the way I felt was permanent. I'm glad that I lived long enough to see my way out of this.
I was a complete junkie and.... I was able to quit. I feel nothing like this now and haven't for a long time. My life isn't perfect but I have glimpses of happiness and peace. I'm glad I didn't throw in the towel.
Keep fighting. Keep trying new things. Keep asking for help. You never know when the next time will be the one that sticks.
Throwing in the towel
I want to stop wanting to die
Is that a good enough reason?
I question the meaning of life
Whats the big deal if I just end it here?
I want to give up
The going is too tough
Not tough like having a hangnail
Or even being terminally ill tough
Tough like fingernails on a chalkboard
Twenty four hours a day
Seven days a week
Tough like looking in the mirror
And seeing the destruction of your own making
Seeing those you love suffering because you
Are
A
Fucking
Addict
And knowing that chances are
Youre not going to get better
And after being told several times over
That relapse is going to happen
And that addiction is relentless
And recovery seems to be just out of reach
Twenty four hours a day
Seven days a week
Whats the point?
Oh I know
Choosing death is a permanent solution
To a temporary problem
But who can judge my problem as temporary?
Let me tell you something you dont know about me
Im a fucking raging addict
I want my fix more than I want anything else
Even knowing its killing me
I still want it and I want it right now
And all of the time
Even when Im sleeping sometimes
My mind betrays me at every turn
And I just dont understand
What is the meaning of life
Why continue the struggle
If I dont believe Ill suffer a penalty
For throwing in the towel
I was a complete junkie and.... I was able to quit. I feel nothing like this now and haven't for a long time. My life isn't perfect but I have glimpses of happiness and peace. I'm glad I didn't throw in the towel.
Keep fighting. Keep trying new things. Keep asking for help. You never know when the next time will be the one that sticks.
Throwing in the towel
I want to stop wanting to die
Is that a good enough reason?
I question the meaning of life
Whats the big deal if I just end it here?
I want to give up
The going is too tough
Not tough like having a hangnail
Or even being terminally ill tough
Tough like fingernails on a chalkboard
Twenty four hours a day
Seven days a week
Tough like looking in the mirror
And seeing the destruction of your own making
Seeing those you love suffering because you
Are
A
Fucking
Addict
And knowing that chances are
Youre not going to get better
And after being told several times over
That relapse is going to happen
And that addiction is relentless
And recovery seems to be just out of reach
Twenty four hours a day
Seven days a week
Whats the point?
Oh I know
Choosing death is a permanent solution
To a temporary problem
But who can judge my problem as temporary?
Let me tell you something you dont know about me
Im a fucking raging addict
I want my fix more than I want anything else
Even knowing its killing me
I still want it and I want it right now
And all of the time
Even when Im sleeping sometimes
My mind betrays me at every turn
And I just dont understand
What is the meaning of life
Why continue the struggle
If I dont believe Ill suffer a penalty
For throwing in the towel
I simply love your writings and the pure, guttural emotions that find their way from your mind....to pen....to paper. "Not written very well" for me, tends to suggest that an element of haste was purposely factored in, leaving the composition fractured...disorganized.
This, my friend, has NEVER been the case with any of the compositions you've shared with us. You have a wonderful gift and ability to soften the jagged edges of raw vulnerability and bring true, unadulterated clarity to emotions that have riddled many of our souls.
Thank you, always, for sharing your gift with us....as Jon said, you continue to be an inspiration to everyone here, and we are fortunate to have you by our side.
Be well, Lisa and much continued strength to you.
Love, Tagg