I heard something yesterday that made me stop and think. It was the words of a murdered man, read by his sister as part of her victim's impact statement. He was a motivational speaker and was writing a book. He had written:

When there is a rocky path ahead, whether it is filled with stepping stones or stumbling blocks depends on the character of the person walking the path.

I want to have the type of character that turns a rocky path into stepping stones. I believe my gambling addiction has taught me how to do this.

At 41 years old I hit such a low point in my life. I was very near suicide. I hated myself. I hated my life. I was full of shame and guilt. The stress I felt was overwhelming in the truest since of that word. I was paralyzed with fear. I didn't know where to turn. I was one sick human being. I didn't even realize how sick I was until I got months away from that lowest point and could look back with some clarity.

When I decided to be better, to get better, I encountered a path in front of me that seemed too steep to climb. It was filled with boulders, not rocks. I went for it anyways. I thought I didn't really have a choice, but I did. We always have a choice. I could have just checked out. I could have just run things so far in the ground that I went to jail. I could have just walked away from everything. I had options, each and every one of them sucked.

I didn't really know if I had it in me to quit. Along with all of the self-loathing, I had left plenty of room in my head for self-doubt. But I went for it anyways. I had trouble quitting. I discovered that I was truly addicted. I thought was just a weak person will no self-control. That wasn't the truth.

Over the next few months I discovered myself for the first time. I got to know me. I was not the person I had portrayed myself to be (to myself and everyone else). I made peace with my faults. I struggled immensely but I began to live my life instead of the life I thought I should be living.

My addiction has taught me how to live a freer life. I am free to be imperfect. I am free to make mistakes. I am free to ask for and to give forgiveness. It has taught me that you only fail if you don't get back up. It has changed my character. I am in the process of turning that rocky path into stepping stones to a better future.

I know that each and every one of us struggling with addiction can turn this thing around. We can take this "affliction" and turn it into an asset if we work hard enough. Throw everything you have at it. Treat it like it's life or death. Stop living in denial. See the rocks and take the path anyway.