It does suck but just stick to your guns about quitting. When you refuse to go with her enough times she'll quit asking. Good for you for not caving in. I know it's not easy.

I completely understand my friend does me the exact same way. I think it is selfishness. They want someone to go with them so they ignore how it is affecting us because it they only care about themselves. My friend is a very emotional person, and I have found that the more emotional the person, the more tendency they have to selfishness. I could be way off base, but that is how I perceive my situation that is similar to yours. I get sad and angry when she starts up too. I even will say, please don't talk about the casino with me, and its "well, I just though...." and I get angry because I am trying so hard, and have to ask for help...its very confusing and weird. Its almost like people sometimes want or expect you to fail. Its very frustrating. I received an invitation to the casino for an event at work yesterday..and I thought wow they just gave a beer to an alcoholic. But, of couse, they don't realize what they've done...I just get so beat down with this...why did I have to become an addict?!? Hugs to you ll2live, I hope we can get through this together.

Thank you Shirl and Savingmysoul. I think you hit the nail on the about being selfish. My mom is certainly that in many areas of her life. It feels comforting to know that I'm not the only one that deals with this. xoxo

Wow. L! That is unbelievable. Kind of like offering candy to a diabetic. I am so sorry that you have to put up with that. Like you say -it is selfishness on a grand scale. I so admire you for saying no and letting her know (like she doesn't already) that you are deadly serious about this.
I wonder how come she does it. Really. I am especially sorry that you have been having some "down" days. You are such a positive force around here and I know we all appreciate you.
Happy Holidays and know how much you deserve to give yourself and your family a wonderful Christmas by staying true to yourself. Love you. Hugs, ~E

HI II2live, It's got to be so hard with your mom wanting you to go gamble like that. My friend has been doing this to me too. She knows I'm addicted but she also knows I like going (because I'm addicted) and she wants me to be happy and she thinks it makes me happy when in fact I am dying inside when I go almost every time. She really has no idea how much money I spend because I don't tell her. The few times I did win when she was there she was completely shocked when I would play it all back. I could never walk away after a win. I was on a streak or I could now play all I wanted since it wasn't "my" money. No matter if we win or lose we lose! There is no point to going anymore. Some people don't understand us and some just never will, not my friend and maybe not even your mom. If she was my mom, I would tell her "No thanks mom. I can't go there anymore." Don't get mad at her. Just don't go with her. You don't owe it to her to go there. Ask her to go someplace else like a movie or dinner or shopping with you. Hopefully she will eventually quit gambling too. Hugs to you! Keep trying! Cherbear

I feel for ya....I have a toxic family member too and he has been the reason I went to the casino to "forget the pain" many, many times. And, being on the gamble free wagon I need to deal with the anger, sadness, and frustration that this toxic man makes me feel without gambling. It has no doubt been my biggest challenge. It hurts the most when it's a parent, I think. But it is possible to deal with the situation(s) without gambling.

I'm not trying to defend your mom, but if she struggles with gambling addiction too, you know how much gambling addiction affects everyone in your life. I think we have all put our addiction before anyone and everything in our lives at one time or another. Since you understand what it's like having this addiction, maybe that will help put it in perspective. I hope.

Toxic people and the emotions they make me feel have been the biggest struggle for me to stay gamble free. I know it is possible to stay gamble free and I like my gamble free life better, but I am very aware not to trade one addiction for another in my efforts to "deal" with these toxic people. I traded drugs for gambling and I do not want to trade gambling for something else. I am going to learn how to deal with these toxic people without relying on an addiction to cope.

Hope this helps. It has helped me.

((((BIG HUG)))
Cathy

The cardinal rule for all recovering addicts is: Abandon all ACTIVE addicts and disassociate yourself from their influence. Now you know why this is true. In the case of your mother, maybe you should divorce her as your mother for 90 days and work on getting stronger before any further contact. Hang out more with recovering/recovered addicts if you need replacement.
Good luck!

Yes..I also understand. My Mom is an addict in denial. She has lost almost everything. Shes older, but insists "it's her time" and she "needs to get out and do fun things".
The problem is, I will offer to take her for a spa day or something, and
she doesn't want to go..the Casino is all she really wants to do.
She is very selfish..but she doesn't know the stuggles I have been thru.
I just stopped taking her and let her know that I think that environment is very toxic and have experienced it first-hand. She never asked how or why. Nor do I think she gets it. A couple of months ago, I called her on being so mean and not caring...utterly awful to her kids..nothing is ever good enough. I told her she changed so much, and that the Casino makes her bitter. She was
angry with me, and of course, tried to turn the tables--saying to me
"oh, well you must be PERRRFECT"...
very hurtful. I didn't speak with her for 3 weeks (which is huge for an Italian family). She did get a little better, and stopped the complaining--but she's back at it today. It makes it so tough because I know the hurt it causes people, how it changes a person's personality--yet I crave it at times so much. That's the stupid part. I have learned this in the last year and wish I learned it much earlier--
In regards to your Mom---be strong. They don't define who we are--
the person we are or how we think...we are our own person. We have a responsibility to respect our parents, but we don't have to agree to do what they want when we know (and they know deep down inside) that it's not healthy for anyone.
Stay strong..it's tough, but don't personalize it. I don't anymore. I know when my Mom gets selfish, its not her trying to be mean to me..it's just her feeling crappy about life and herself. xoxo hugs

My mom is also a compulsive gambler. I used to go with her every couple of months.. to every month at times from age 18-32. I was not hooked at that time... but it was definitely brewing.. :) Once the fancy digital nickel machines came out about 15 years ago I then became hooked as well.

Fast forward, 15 years later.. I have still not fully beaten this gambling demon. It has been an ongoing battle, but I will never give up.

My mom finally "gets it".. and stops asking me to go. I think she feels guilty at what it has done to me. She blames herself for my gambling problem.

Hold strong with your decision. You are being smart, and letting her know how horrible/despondent you would feel if you succumbed to her wishes.

We all know that when in action our peace of mind, serenity, self esteem, self confidence and happiness is destroyed.

You do not need to go back to that hornets nest. Tell mom you love her and wish her happiness, but that you are choosing "you" this time.

All the best to you.....

I am so sorry to hear that your mother is so insensitive and down right self centered. I can say this with confidence after seeing a counselor for many months and having the similar situation with my own mother who was very critical and demanding all of my life. My counselor actually told me I needed to LIMIT my contact with her and my time with her and the giving I was always doing. I love her dearly but recently I sold my car and went to stay with her for three days at Christmas and by the time I could get out of there I couldn't make it to the casino fast enough on the way home to get rid of the bad feelings overwhelming me from being around her. I realize it is not all of her fault but until I get smarter and stronger and wiser I feel I need to try and limit our contact, just a little.
Good luck.