SearchingAndWaiting

I thought of her today. But I didn't consider actually contacting her.I'm going in a good direction, I think.

Right now, living a couple of miles away, there's a girl who's open to having me come over any time and engage in sexual activity with her.A month and two days ago, I hadn't even met this girl. Now,...

When I was growing up, my dad was verbally/emotionally abusive to me. His outlook was that the world revolved around him, and the way he spoke to and acted towards my mom caused me a lot of pain....

I'm tired of just dulling the pain.I want to feel the sweetness again.Oh, gosh...Can it be again?Can I know it again?Am I just to be trapped by what constrains me?No...No...What would I need to do?

I was so close. Am still.So close to going directly against my values.Against what G-d would want me to do. ----I tried to break things off with her on Saturday. I tried to tell her that I didn't...

Note: This is an interim posting before I continue the story from last time  Are you out there, world?Can you hear me?I feel like I'm alone.I feel like I'm going to disappear.I feel like no one can...

To be stillBe silent with youStillnessNot trying to advance or pushNoticingFeelingStill,    feeling across the lineNot trying forJust acceptanceWill you notice with me?

Went to a bar tonight. (I dislike bars, but there was a specific party I wanted to go to.) The woman I was talking to could not relate at all to my not being interested in drinking.It hurt, as...

Tonight, I realized a few things. They were obvious; but one of them, I didn’t want to acknolwedge.1) I need to be safe.2) I need to have a connection with myself and others. I want to know where...

I bring my past into every romantic experience I have. Or every prospect of romance. When I meet someone new, I want to believe that she's waited to share herself sexually for the first time with...

I have two legs, two hands, two eyes. I can ride a bike, run, walk. I'm able to see, to hear, to smell, to touch, and to taste.I have enough food to eat. I have a roof over my head. I'm not in debt.I...

I feel like I'm different, sensitive, and it's so hard to find others who are sensitive... observant; subtle; intuitive... who can appreciate how I feel and what I believe and would rather talk to me...

Wish I could love someone who's close to me.

Some exciting news: I biked 42 miles yesterday.Yeah! Today, though, loneliness has come back strongly.Wish I had a supportive, close community. Wish I had someone to go to who truly cared about me...