Right now, living a couple of miles away, there's a girl who's open to having me come over any time and engage in sexual activity with her.A month and two days ago, I hadn't even met this girl. Now, she says loves me; she thinks the world of me; she wishes she could hug me... look into my eyes...I do not feel the same way about her. Indeed, I feel overwhelmed and scared. ---- Life's funny sometimes. That's cliché, yeah; but just the same.I was looking for a while for a woman with whom I could explore sexuality (short of having sexual intercourse). It would have had to be someone with whom I did not have an emotional connection. It pains me to think that I would consider this. But I've known a lot of pain in my life recently.The alternative was to find a girl with whom to have a romantic relationship, but with whom I would not interact sexually (beyond kissing and holding)— at least for a long while.This, because the relationship would touch me. And I wouldn't let those feelings, that situation, be spoiled by physical interaction predicated on lust. One month and one day ago, I met a girl randomly at a bus stop. Over the course of days, if not hours, she became enamored with me.However, I soon learned that she smoked, and I saw a picture of her online with a sexual comment that she had posted, and another picture in which she had a come-hither pose.I could not open up to her.Life's not black and white. For as much as I'm inclined to see a lot of things as such, all that we see and experience in the world is complicated, interconnected, and shades of gray— or, a metaphor I perhaps like better, different colors. Yes, the girl smoked— and still does; but she's trying to quit. She started because she was into politics and the people with the most important information socialized around smoking. So, she joined them.Don't so many of us have our vices?Smoking is hers. She's human like the rest of us.As for the photos, turns out that second one, in which she's holding a come-hither pose... that's not her. Someone had tagged her in the photo, but she explained to me that it was some kind of joke. She even said people criticized her for dressing too modestly.I feel wrenching pain emotionally when I think now of sharing myself with this girl. Even now, writing this words, it's a stinging, harsh pain. She's not safe. I can't open up to her. I have to protect myself.Lest I lose myself further.With this posting, I'm putting a "goal" on here: Abstain from contacting this girl in any way, and from reading any text message, e-mail, or piece of mail she sends me, as well as from answering the phone if she calls— or listening to a voice-mail message from her.In essence, a complete severing of communication with herFor at least four weeks.If I stumble, I want to have people to report to.At least one person. Hopefully more. And so, I'll move that slider every day towards 100%. I'll make a good effort. If I stumble, I'll explain on here why; what I was going through...I hope I'd find compassion.I'll make a good effort.I'm only human— like her... and everyone.