electric2

paul has left me doubting my every move, im realy not this shadow, my friends use to say i was deep, kind and gentle and independant,  most days i am again now, what i need is a CODA mtg real bad, ...

talked to paul last night, he said he cant drive i soo want to be with him, only he will not accept me. im finally strong again i know if i see him, the pain will staart all over again each x it...

most days go to club house,they are groups where you work out emotional problems daily if you want, everyone is in a different place in their journey(i see alot of pain and very brave people) today i...

took my wedding ring off, pain is great im trying to move on.  actualy am moving on.  when do not feel good about self ware expensive jewerly well.  well it is off my hands. am working on...

david painted by bath gray and i painted my wash room .  im soo sleepy faling alseep

PAUL CANT FORGIVE ME OR SELF FOR THINGS THAT HAPPED IN HIS LIFE.  TOO BAD HE IS A KIND MAN JUST NOT A FORGIVING ONE.  ON THE OTHER HAND I FORGIVE TOO MUCH AND CHASHED AFTER A DREAM WAY TOO LONG...

husband blamed me for justt about everything; would tell me my faults but not accept any criticism at all.  when 1st married wanted to laugh; he called me a red streak because allways cleaning...

i dont understand but i seem to blame me for everything.  try to look at things as to what i did wrong not the other person.  i know i did my best in all relationships and marriages.  in fact i...

had a dream keith pickeded me up in a car and drove me  and took me to paul.  must be the note paul sent about keith being over medicated and paul seeing a doctor.  feel if i was there everything...

think im on to some thing reading aabook-bills story sound so simple if when im angry just sit quitely and lisson to gGod talk to my being.  today asked god should let paul go the answer is yes. ...

went to church,usely cry a little because went with paul while dateing there, anyway feel better than not going everyone knows paul and loves him and they love me too so feel better than not going. ...

TALKRED TO PAUL REGARDING DIVORCE.  HE CAN GIVE A LONG LIST OF MY FAULTS SOME ARE TRUE SOME HALF ECT BUT I MENTION ONE LITTLE THING ABOUT HIM AND HE TAKES OFFINCE .  IM THE ONE WHO WOKE UP ON THE...

been with my sister all weekend help with getting house ready for mon to come home. my place is a mess kinda.  will pick up latter.  feel good about myself happy

helped a friend move today.  helped me more than her i actualy lisoned to what she wanted.  she is very independant  and knew what she wanted from me.  i lisoned to her and did excatly what she...

feeling mellow and happy sort of .  the wind is storming out side i love to hear the wind (nature is good) the kind  loving gental hubby i have asked for divorce to day.  a little sarcasm actualy...