Heading to bed shortly since it's 1:30am. Oh my...that was an interesting evening.  The urges got bad, really bad, so I took an ativan....still didn't feel any better so talked to my therapist and she said it was ok to take another one.  After about 15 min after that one things felt a little kookie...i don't know almost felt high or something. It was weird.  Anyway, I don't play guiatar but was playing it anyway and all my movements are so weird...eventually settled down and watched the Bee Movie....although I don't remember much of it now.  I got a phone call from someone who was a big support for me when I was in High School and we are meeting up tomorrow.  It sounds like he's got work of some sort for me to do so we will see what that's about.  He's a cool guy and a christian just too bad for me he's so much older...lol.  J/K  I really don't want a bf much right now, it's not fair to them for me to be this way.  Anyway, finished off the movie and next thing I know it's dark and I'm waking up.  So got up and got ready for bed...and am now writing before i try to sleep some more. I'm not sure what to do about my not cut goal right now...it's a little hard to explain.  I didn't do any actual cutting but i did cut my knee ... but not enough to bleed...just kind of see it a little bit.  More like just a scratch.  So I'm not sure what i'm doing with that...it was dilibrate self harm but not enough to even really classify as a cut... *shrugs*  will try to decide when my brain is less groggy.