Ellocin

God doesn't want me and I don't want Him...*hmpf* can't believe I was ever wrapped up in that stuff...whatever It's just me and the world and I don't want any part of it so that doesn't leave me...

i promised i'd still be alive...and i am... i tried so hard not to give into any of the urges...but i failed at that...i did some minor cutting...but not till i tried everything else i could think...

can't do this anymore...i want to be dead so bad...i shouldn't be writting it here..or anywhere...i should just do it...get it over with...i'm suppose to be dead anyway...that's what they tell...

having a hard night but a promise to a friend is a promise to a friend and that said I have to find a way to stay safe...*sigh*  I don't usually promise anything because I am too afraid of breaking...

i'm definitely in the midst of crashing...i am trying hard to fight it though but it's so hard everything is irritating me today...especially noises like the phone ringing (which it's been doing a...

it's after 3am and i can't seem to wind down...i took an ativan because i am still afraid to go in my room...but i know i should try to sleep...but the ativan has done nothing...i think i took it a...

not quite as bad at the moment...trying to feel okay... i am sitting in the living room because i am safer here then in my room...and i have my ativan here if needed,but haven't taken...and i'm...

I felt so happy and strong earlier.  Even 10 minutes ago I felt okay.  Now I'm not.  I came across some things I wrote when I was 14-17 (maybe a year or two older than that even) and it's scary. ...

http://freebrindi.blogspot.com/ This link above (I'm not sure if I've mentioned it in the past or not) is a link to a local ladies blog about her dog Brindi that is (and has been since July 24,...

this is so sweet and made me teary...and really in my mind shouldn't be limited to just "dad" but all "elders" in a child's life...mainly the parents but also anyone that is friends with anyone that...

Well, i'll I'm still kicking and still in a pretty good mood...with a decent amount of energy....and it's now midnight and I only slept 2.5 hours last night...and have been up since 6:30am. ...

hmm...day 8...we'll see if the count continues as the day goes on... I have an appt today with the dentist which will take about 3 hours....that's more then the amount of time I slept (2.5 hrs). ...

I was tired last night.  I was in bed before 9pm...but even with a double dose of benedryl it took forever to fall asleep.  Once I fell asleep though I slept through the night and it was a little...

back at my apt...still feeling horrible...except to top it off my stomach has been upset for the last hour ever since i decided to eat supper...that was really the icing on the cake...just made my...

Ugghhh!!!!!!!!  I'm soooo annoyed and now i know I'm better off dead.  All I do is f*ck up things for everyone.  Everything I touch or look at seems to crumble.  This world is definitely better...